In Between Viewing Pornography and Calling Plastic Surgeons...

I took a bit of time off last night from my full-time job as Patriarchal Oppessor and got in touch with my feminine side... I watched Hercules Against the Moon Men on the Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVD set that was sent by one of my many adoring fans.

It was pretty damn gay. And I mean that in a good way, of course.

That's despite the fact that this Hercules wasn't Steve Reeves. Herc was played by a guy named - wait for it - ALAN STEEL. STEEL was O.K., although he didn't display the sort of range as an actor that made Steve Reeves the Johnny Depp of his age. He did have an excellent brow furrow, though.

But more than anything, what ALAN STEEL had was pecs. Big old fuckin' pecs that come out to HERE. Tell you what, if Michelle Malkin had knockers like ALAN STEEL had pecs, she wouldn't be on Fox, she'd fucking own Fox.

Not only were those some big honkin' pecs, they were also always oiled. I mean always... Even after going through this neverending sandstorm to get to the Mountain of Death at the end of the flick, those puppies were still oiled to the hilt. I guess it was a party trick or something.

Anyway, oiled pecs weren't the only thing that could end up getting us a Hercules Film Festival on Bravo!. You see, although all three of the chicks that were in the movie had racks that ranked up there with Pammycakes, absolutely NO CLEAVAGE was displayed. None. In a cheapy Italian Hercules/horror film there is less knockerage than in a Pammycakes Vlog.

That's as gay as it gets.

Tonight I'll be watching Hercules Unchained, which does have Steve Reeves in it. And not ALAN STEEL. So by this time tomorrow, I could very well be metrosexual...

Dennis and "the boys"... Playin' Hercules

Funny thing. Back in college I befriended a seriously feminist Latin/Classics professor. Befriended to the point of her asking me out for drinks befriended. Her favorite actor? Steve Reeves. Whenever Bob Shreve had a Hercules flick on Past Prime Playhouse, she'd still be talking about it on Monday. She couldn't get enough of him...

Comments

[richard mcenroe]

Actually, that photo reminded me of the ghastly Sons of Hercules movies WOR used to run in the early 60's.

You have not had a bad childhood until you were allowed to watch the Sons of Hercules every frikkin Saturday...

[Uncle Fester]

I thought you said you weren't going to post any pictures of our Girl's Night Out!