This Week's Amanda Sentence: The "Feel The Love" Edition...

Leonard Pinth-Garnell here with another episode of Bad Femnist Blogging...

... Thus bringing you the finest of Amanda Marcotte's post-Bush Amanda-isms. Enjoy.

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For The Most Obvious Example That Obama's Attempts To Get All Of Us To Love And Respect Each Other Is Succeeding In Tapping That Vein Of True Progressive Love And Respect We've All Come To Love And Respect:

Even controversial moves like asking Rick Warren to pray at the inauguration were done in the sincere spirit of defanging the culture wars---a recognition that validation is what your average rabid wingnut wants more than anything, and that the anti-gay hysteria is an attempt on their parts to be self-reassuring.   (My inclination is to think it won’t work, because resentful right wingers are emotional vampires and no matter how many nods you give them, they will always feel insecure and want more. But hey, maybe I’m wrong.)

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For The Second Most Obvious Example That Obama's Attempts To Get All Of Us To Love And Respect Each Other Is Succeeding In Tapping That Vein Of True Progressive Love And Respect We've All Come To Love And Respect:

He tries his hardest to be open-minded and generous with the people he meets in Hagee’s church, especially since fundamentalism is practically designed to prey on the lost and the weak.  But of course, it’s hard because they’ll all buy any kind of hateful B.S. aimed at gays and liberals, and he gets plenty of occasions to encounter the line of cruelty that threads throughout the fundie subculture, no matter how much Christian love the profess.

Sentence #1:

I tend to think fundies are coming from a place of more personal frustration and fear, and conspiracy theorists are just people with major ego problems.

26 words. What about fundie conspiracy theorists?

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For The Third Most Obvious Example That Obama's Attempts To Get All Of Us To Love And Respect Each Other Is Succeeding In Tapping That Vein Of True Progressive Love And Respect We've All Come To Love And Respect:

Certainly it seems that a lot of 9/11 Truthers are people that have been slowly driven crazy by the political insanity that was the Bush administration, and instead of focusing on the realities that they don’t seem to be able to affect---torture, human rights abuses, the war itself---they get involved in concocting crazier and crazier theories about how the Bush administration actually caused 9/11.  Focusing on fantasies is just psychologically easier, I guess.  Same story with fundie Christians.  They live in communities strained by the ongoing economic problems, and they have problems doing things like holding marriages together or making friends, and the real causes of their problems are complex and hard to tackle, so instead they get sucked into a fantasy of the end of days and hope to just pray all their problems away. 

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For The Fourth Most Obvious Example That Obama's Attempts To Get All Of Us To Love And Respect Each Other Is Succeeding In Tapping That Vein Of True Progressive Love And Respect We've All Come To Love And Respect:

I think it’s absolutely true that culture war issues are meat thrown to wingnuts to get them into a frenzy of envy and hatred for the liberals with all the sex we’re having in between interesting parties with good food and conversation.  And of course it’s small and petty for right wingers to be willing to throw their votes away worrying about what kind of sex some strangers are having.

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For The Most Muddled Analysis Of The Week:

Reproductive rights don’t cause any damage, except to the feelings of sexists who need to get a life.  But not having them can be utterly life-ruining in the same way that losing your job can be---thus, in my mind, they are both important issues, and as long as jobs and reproductive rights are threatened, it’s an issue.

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For The Fifth Most Obvious Example That Obama's Attempts To Get All Of Us To Love And Respect Each Other Is Succeeding In Tapping That Vein Of True Progressive Love And Respect We've All Come To Love And Respect:

Plus, I can’t think of a bigger culture war issue than global warming.  And Taibbi gets a taste of this when he’s subjected to a Cornerstone minister berating congregants to avoid caring about global warming, because environmentalism is apparently a sin.  This is definitely one of those lopsided issues, where the workaday right winger is primarily motivated by his loathing for effete liberals who do girly things like care about the planet and the human race’s ability to survive, but liberals are in this because we can’t afford to lose this one. Facing down a roomful of mouth-breathing morons gabbing about how Al Gore invented global warming, Taibbi had a really hard time not blowing his cover.  Now, I thought, you know how it feels to have your basic rights to family life or bodily autonomy assaulted for the same self-serving reasons, faux populist reasons.

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For The Sixth Most Obvious Example That Obama's Attempts To Get All Of Us To Love And Respect Each Other Is Succeeding In Tapping That Vein Of True Progressive Love And Respect We've All Come To Love And Respect:

And our worst fears about the worst elements of our society have been backed up by the piles of threats that Obama has received.  This isn’t going to get better, but worse, I suspect, because on top of the crazy white supremacist stuff, you’re going to see the development of a cottage industry dedicated to spinning conspiracy theories to “prove” what most wingnuts are eager to believe, which is that Obama is not a legitimate President.

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For The Seventh Most Obvious Example That Obama's Attempts To Get All Of Us To Love And Respect Each Other Is Succeeding In Tapping That Vein Of True Progressive Love And Respect We've All Come To Love And Respect:

I don’t think the wingnuts who started this story were consciously up to anything more but floating a blatant lie in order to slander Obama and imply that he thinks he’s some big deal.  But I do think there was a subconscious element of begrudging him and the people who voted for him Obama’s popularity and openness, because the preferred President of wingnuts is a loathed figure who really does think he’s too good to show respect for the trappings of democracy.

Sentence #2:

Obama gets Beyonce to sing for him, and lucky Bush got Ben Stein to crack unfunny jokes.

17 words. Boy, that puts it all into perspective, doesn't it?

Sentence #3:

Agnostics, non-religious and openly anti-religious people, too. 

Fewer words than necessary. Remember: Proofreading is the enemy.

Sentence #4:

Hey, I can’t be the only person who had a “holy shit” moment when Obama recognized non-believers in his inaugural speech.

22 words. Why would non-believers say "holy shit" in the first place?

Sentence #5:

Nor can I be the only one bracing myself for the wingnut outrage, since there’s so much effort dedicated to vilifying atheists as the ultimate cancer eating away at our supposedly secular nation.

33 words. Actually, we're sitting around wondering if anyone will villify Amanda Marcotte to the extent Amanda Marcotte villifies believers... and especially Catholic believers.

Sentence #6:

Perhaps even the most hardened wingnuts will realize that Obama included non-believers in the spirit of inclusiveness he’s been trying to foster in his speeches for awhile now.

29 words. We're taking bets that the "hardened wingnuts" will grasp the whole inclusiveness thingy in less time that Amanda did when the issue was Rick Warren giving the invocation.

Sentence #7:

Acknowledging atheists as equal citizens to the faithful has a ton of policy implications, ranging from small things like the Pledge to bigger issues, like the right to use birth control and abortion.

33 words. Atheism = Pro- birth control and abortion? Who knew?

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For Irony-Proof Projection:

Far be it for me to say, but I think a lot of wingnuts are mildly relieved that Obama is going to be President.  The whole point of being a wingnut is nursing grievances, and it’s much harder to pull that off when your people are in power.  But now that the evil liberal agenda with all their reading and weekend mornings spent naked in bed doing pleasurable things is back in power, it’s time to start screeching with resentment again.

Who nurses grievances more than the Pandagonians? Amanda Marcotte nurses femnist grievances, Pam Spaulding nurses lesbian grievances and Jesse Taylor nurses "Gee, I'm better than Oliver Willis but nobody cares" grievances. And they do it on an hourly basis...

This Week's Grand Jury Prize For The Most Cogent Explanation Of Why Amanda And Her Friends Are Really Cool And You're Just An Uptight, Anal-Retentive, Sex-Starved, Envious, Furrow-Browed, Mouth-Breathing, First-Cousin-Marrying Retard Who Watches Reruns Of "Mork And Mindy" On Channel 57 Instead Of Going To All The Really Neat Parties Thrown By Other Really Cool People:

Artists really make perfect right wing villains, don’t they?  In the popular imagination, artists are enviable people, even if they’re not well off.  They have fashion sense and interesting friends, and they spend their time drinking coffee or wine and having meaningful conversations.  They’re creatively fulfilled and presumable sexually fulfilled, because being an artist really gets you a lot of that kind of attention. They don’t just visit New York City or San Francisco; they live there. They don’t have to lean on cheap racism to make funny jokes, and their music collections are genuinely interesting.  They engage the world on a deeper, more meaningful level.  Even people who would sooner die than eat dinner sitting on the floor with lighting provided by a candle shoved in a wine bottle must have pangs of envy imagining the bohemian lifestyle after a day of work under fluorescent lights followed by a fast food dinner and entertainment provided by second rate sitcoms.  The tension between squares and bohemians has been a popular theme for more than a century now, and shows no signs of dying.  And it’s a tension that makes the sworn squares feel like, well, squares, and thus like dishing out the hate.

Well, that was really, really bad, now wasn't it? Choose your favorite brainfart and leave your vote in the comments sections. All votes will be carefully tabulated by Richard Murphy.

This week's winner will receive, free of charge, one genuine Amanda Marcotte...

 

... "It's A Jungle Out There" racially insensitive lithograph that is suitable for framing.

 

"Mmm... stereotypes..."

Comments

[markg8]

I spent last evening at a township meeting in a drab government building built with the last of the federal revenue sharing funds before Reagan put a stop to them in '83 that was worthy of Chrissy Hinds "My City Was Gone". At least a thousand watts of bright bleak florescents in the drop ceiling and decor worthy of a Pep Boy's waiting room sans the old car mags.

Afterward I had the displeasure of listening to a flabulously huge Republican with a wheeze that sounded like Darth Vader, I swear the guy has to be this far from congestive heart failure, complain about the WhiteHouse.gov website having something on it about restoring transparency and decency to government. His feelings were hurt, he took this as a swipe at Bush and a broken promise about bipartisanship by Obama. I told him let's not forget Bush's constant refrain from 2000 about restoring dignity and honor to the WH. When I informed him that he's likely to be hurt a lot more if and when several high ranking Bushies wind up in prison he winced.

He didn't want to talk about torture so he decided to change the subject to the economy. The Community Reinvestment Act caused the financial crisis according to him. When I explained that even Federal Reserve bankers say that's not true his comeback was he "has sources too". Now I have a cold, or the flu or whatever the hell it is that's been going around. I'm on the verge of laryngitis. While I'm usually more than willing to engage in political argument or even polite discourse (if I have to) til the cows come home last night I knew I only had so many words in me before my voice gave out. So my response was "I have federal reserve bankers as my sources, you have Sean Hannity".

That pretty much shut him up. But as for Obama's attempts to get all of us to love and respect each other? Fuck no, that guy's still not coming over to my side of the garbage dump where we'll be hoarding all the good scraps. He'd eat up all our reserves.

[Simon]

Gotta be the last quote Dennis. Sounds like Amanda just read 'On the Road'. In her mind's eye she is sitting on the floor of a cold water brownstone in Tribeca with a beret on her head and lighting provided from a candle shoved up her ass listening to Bird Parker and chanting 'Blow baby blow', 'Go man go' with Allen Ginsberg.

By the way what is a 'sworn square' ? Where can I take the oath ?

Mark - surely you've been around long enough to know that recounting self - serving reruns of conversations just doesn't cut it.

[markg8]

Like allusions to beatniks does?

[Dan from Madison]

Mark - go for a walk, there is plenty of fresh air for everyone.

I vote for sentence 2 - I don't think I have ever seen big booty Beyonce and Ben Stein in the same ballpark, never mind the same sentence. But hey, leave it to Amanduh...

[Dennis The Peasant]

Everybody-

Play nice. Remember, we're all supposed to be feeling the love. Right?

[Dennis The Peasant]

I believe that it was Capote who once said this of 'On The Road':

"That's not writing. That's typing."

Based on what little I could make myself read of it, I'd have to agree.

[Simon]

My favourite quote on Kerouac is this one from William S Burroughs -
"[H]e didn’t change that much . . . first there was a young guy sitting in front of the television in a tee shirt drinking beer with his mother, then there was an older, fatter person sitting in front of the television drinking beer with his mother." (Gee that quote was hard to track down )

Kerouac became a bit of a square in his old age.

Mark - the beatnik stuff was just a comment Amanda's hackneyed, cliched Maynard G Krebs view of 'artists'.

[jcw]

Does Amanduh even know any artists? Did she ever read any biographies of the impressionist painters? Envious of professional athletes, maybe. Artists, nah. The Irony Proof Projection wins hands down.

[james]

Amanda is a member of the most dangerous species on earth the "moron". Though you be armed with reason, argument, and facts they will be of no avail when they attack. Here on the parched academic plains of
Austin they roam in vast herds ready to charge any percieved threat.

[Allen]

It has to be #7 for two reasons. First, I didn't know that anyone considered atheists not to be "full" citizens. Second, atheism has large policy implications? Splutter, guffaw...

[markg8]

Can you name any self professed atheists who have run for let alone won federal office in this country? I can't.

I have a great uncle who was quite a famous artist in SF at the turn of the last century. He was the son of a judge who indulged him for years until he made a name and a living for himself.

[Gordon]

"sitting on the floor with lighting provided by a candle shoved in a wine bottle must have pangs of envy imagining the bohemian lifestyle after a day of work under fluorescent lights"

Ah, but the bohemian is contributing to global warming, while the square is virtuously using fluorescents!

"The tension between squares and bohemians has been a popular theme for more than a century now, and shows no signs of dying. And it’s a tension that makes the sworn squares feel like, well, squares, and thus like dishing out the hate."

I live in Minneapolis. I count more than a few "bohemians" among my social circle. And if you want to see people dishing out the hate, man, just spend some time around artists.

[Eric Blair]

markgeeate is making less sense than usual.

I like #4, myself.

[markg8]

Feel the love Eric. Feel the love.

According to Wikipedia about 15% of people in the US don't believe in God, a significant minority. I still haven't found one candidate for federal office who was an acknowledged atheist, though I have to admit I didn't look very hard. Jerry Brown? Nah, he studied to be a Jesuit priest. Maybe Ralph Nader?

How serious is the discrimination? Liddy Dole ran an ad against Kay Hagan in NC claiming she got money from the Godless Americans PAC with a female voice meant I guess to sound like Hagan saying, "There is no God." It apparently backfired bigtime in large part because Hagan is a former Presbyterian Church Sunday school teacher and hit back hard with a defamation suit among other things.

[Guesst]

Message here.

[Kyle]

Dude, who cares?

My favorite rant has to be "artists are awesome, and you are not," because Amanda is no artist.

Well, unless you count "bullshit artist."

[markg8]

Another message here from crazy Pammy at Atlas Jugs.

And to completely confuse the issue there's this