Yet Another Last Week's This Week's Amanda Sentence...

Leonard Pinth-Garnell here with yet another episode of Bad Femnist Blogging. This week's episode highlights the efforts of the finest practictioner of Bad Femnist Blogging known to Mankind. And Womynkind.

Let's have at it then...

Sentence #1:

The last thing your average comic book geek needs---and I say this with full love, a comic book on my lap, and piles of them around my house---is to dig way past the adorable geeky stage into the scary misogynist Republican geek stage, from someone who maybe strikes out on occasion to someone who radiates so much loathing and self-loathing that potential sex partners flinch and run away.

71 words. Isn't a law or something that all pretentious twits under the age of 35 must refer to comic books as "graphic novels"? So what gives? Beyond that, I had no idea that comic book reading could lead to Republicanism. Should there be a warning label or something?

Sentence #2:

I’m amused at the ever-growing list of media outlets that are not news outlets yet have, according to hysterical wingnuts, an obligation to either lean right (which is “fair") or, if they can’t lean right, they have an obligation to pretend that their creators have all been struck so stupid that they can’t tell one candidate or side of an issue from another on a dare (which is “balanced").

70 words. We've all had a good laugh over that one, haven't we?

Sentence #3:

The act is a way to get around the Supreme Court’s use of a really strained technicality to invalidate discrimination claims filed by women who discover they’ve been getting paid less due to the irrelevant to job performance innie/outie status of their genitals.

44 words. Amanda passed on law school to become a femnist writer. She raised the I.Q.s of both professions in doing so.

This Week's Special Grand Jury Prize for Unintentional Irony:

If all this seems very unfair, consider that right wingers have to be handicapped because they fall so far behind in the logic, reality, and compassion departments.  Honestly, letting liberals talk at all when they have such a huge advantage when it comes to basic reason seems deeply unfair.

So true. From Day One I was struck by the size of Amanda's huge advantage...

Sentence #4:

Even though the hard right sees Terri Schiavo as the perfect woman, as if she was an overgrown fetus with her inability to speak or think, in reality she was, before her heart attack, exactly the sort of human being the hard right doesn’t think has a right to really live---a thinking, breathing, feeling woman.

61 words. One of the things that has always impressed me about Femnists is how compassionate and nonjudgemental they are.

Sentence #5:

It’s a real shame that she’ll be remembered as a vegetable because of their hard work, and not so much as a woman with a real personality and life.  Makes me shudder to think they’d do to the rest of us, if they had a shot.

46 words. I wouldn't worry too much if I were you, Amanda. The transition from Amanda to vegetable would most likely be missed by just about everyone, including yourself.

Sentence #6:

It’s really unwise to remind the public time and time again that, for the right wing base, sticking your nose in other people’s business for no other reason than to make their lives as bleak and miserable as possible is priority number one.

43 words. Amanda, if you didn't stick your nose into other people's business in order to make their lives as bleak and miserable as possible, you wouldn't be a Femnist. Or a Progressive, for that matter.

Sentence #7:

One thing that’s interesting about the choice is I think it highlights a relevant issue for the thinking liberal, namely the difference between the free market and capitalism (which are erroneously conflated in our culture).

35 words. Amanda then goes on to erroneously conflate them (see several of the Grand Jury Prizes below). Markets are markets. They are a method and system of exchange. Capitalism is a type of asset ownership. As is Socialism. As is Communism. Oy.

This Week's Special Grand Jury Prize for 'Mandanomics Made Easy:

On the first part, it’s a real shame to me that people think that capitalism is the same thing as a free market, which perversely means that a large percentage of Americans, probably the majority at this point, would think that a monopoly is acceptable in a free market.  In truth, the free market ideal is one where anyone is free to enter into the market and compete, and the natural tendency of corporations to stake out a monopoly is actively resisted by the government for the good of the consumer. 

Actually, there is absolutely no indication that a large percentage of Americans would think a monopoly would be acceptable per se. Certainly allowing monopolies in sectors of the economy were it has been deemed (as a matter of public policy) harmful to the general good has been a governmental no-no for about one hundred years now. And it should be noted that there is no "natural tendency" for corporations to stake out a monopolistic position in all markets. Monopolies can only exist in certain types of markets. Markets were companies have few barriers to entry and/or products that are fungible will never yield a monopoly, and the competitors within that market understand that full well. Other than those two points, Amanda's dead on.

Sentence #8:

Because they were working in a free market and not in the ideal capitalist situation (where they have a monopoly), they had to cater to consumer demand.

27 words. Here we have an example of the American public erroneously conflating free markets and capitalism. Someone call Amanda, please.

Sentence #9:

People don’t love Ann Coulter because she wants to steal their Social Security and spend it on martinis; they love that she’s a meanie who makes their penises feel bigger.

30 words. Oh boy, spankings!! My penis feels larger already!

This Week's Special Grand Jury Prize for Managing to Make Naomi Klein Look Smart:

Capitalism is a system where you try to give the least amount of service for the most amount of money in order to maximize profit.  A free market controls that, by making sure that the providers have to compete with each other for your money.

You have to kind of wonder why Paul Krugman couldn't write that. After all, the S.O.B. has a Pulitzer.

This Week's Grand Jury Prize for Silver Tonguedness:

April is a pretentious twit, but her problems don’t stem from childhood trauma.  Her problems are more immediate, the first one being that she’s dedicated her entire life to a man that she finally realizes sucks donkey balls. 

I'm tempted wonder about the sort of psychological wellsprings that present Amanda with this sort of imagery, and I tempted to wonder about the sort of intellection processes that allow Amanda to actually think sharing such imagery will enhance her reputation, but temptation always ends when I consider that somehow, someday, I may actually be presented with the answers...

Sentence #10:

Plus, she does that irritating thing where she pretends she’s being brave for getting her “feminist card” revoked, when in reality it’s braver to wear the feminist card proudly and face up to the insecurity and anger that generates in many people, men and women both.

46 words. When folks cross the street to avoid you, Amanda, it isn't because you make them angry or insecure. Trust me on that one.

This Week's Grand Jury Prize for the Finest Ann Landers on Coke Analysis of Intergender Interpersonal Relationships:

Still, the advice feels right on a certain level, and I propose it’s not because women are desperate or men are emotionally retarded.  It’s for a basic, simple reason, which is that men have more social power than women.  When it comes to romantic relationships, there’s a certain belief that men should take more risks and more responsibility if they’re sincere and caring about a woman they’re with, because men have more power.  And this is a clear-cut situation of how this works.  A woman who says, “I love you,” first and gets rebuffed is running a major risk---in some social circles, up to 100%---of being labeled as a crazy bitch.  Desperate.  Grabby for the ring.  Shallow, possibly a gold digger.  A man doesn’t run much risk of being labeled these things if rebuffed unless it’s a really weird situation, like he said it in the first week or something.  Most of the time, getting rebuffed after a certain time investment in a woman will result in sympathy for the man---what’s wrong with her, when he’s such a good guy?  Women are so picky, and they’re masochists, too, who go for jerks instead of nice guys who say they love you. 

This Week's Grand Jury Prize for the Finest Ann Landers on Meth Analysis of Intergender Interpersonal Relationships:

 To make it even more unfair, because the risk is so much greater for women, most of us will refrain from making such a dramatic move as saying “I love you” first out of self-preservation.  (And that’s self-preservation, not even necessarily relationship-preservation.  There is a difference, though you wouldn’t know it from reading most dating advice aimed at women.) Thus, if you’re a man and you’re eager to say it, you can take into consideration the chance that she’s eager, too, but knows that she better wait for you to go first for dignity-based reasons.  Of course, you don’t know for sure if you’ll be rebuffed, but if you know that the vast majority of women will sit on it until you speak first, you can read body language and figure out the chances that she’s eager. 

This Week's Grand Jury Prize for the Finest Ann Landers on Crack Analysis of Intergender Interpersonal Relationships:

It’s a perverse way that the patriarchy perpetuates itself in romantic relationships.  Men have more power, and so it’s only fair to make them take more responsibility, right?  They run a lower risk when they ask someone out, make a move, say “I love you”, suggest moving in, or propose marriage.  But by letting men take charge, we reinscribe their power, and deprive women of their right to go with their feelings, too.  I very frequently see people (mostly men, interestingly) suggest that the only way for this cycle to be broken is by women taking initiative and putting themselves out there more, knowing full well that all blows they take are twice as heavy.  And there’s no guarantee that this method will actually reduce male power over women.  It might just be running a lot of risks, taking a lot of blows to your reputation, and not getting the payoff of more equality anyway. 

This Week's Grand Jury Prize for the Finest Ann Landers on Coke, Meth and Crack All At The Same Time Solution To The Whole Who Says "I Love You First?" Thingy Currently Plaguing Intergender Interpersonal  Relationships:

On this subject, I figure it’s ideal if you kind of both say it at once so quickly you can’t remember who said it first.  But I’ll be damned if I know how to make it happen that way.  Memory is faulty, and so my memories of it working out just so are faulty as well.  Part of it is holding off until you’re really sure that the other person will reciprocate and immediately, I’m sure.

Isn't it wonderful that Punkass Marc is keeping Amanda out of circulation? And by wonderful, I mean really, really, really wonderful?

Well, all-in-all that was quite horrid, now wasn't it?

As always, be sure to vote for your favorite. This week's winning voter will win one genuine Pandagon Feminst Sex Toy of Death that has been personally signed by Jessica Valenti of Feministing!

Comments

[donniedarko]

No. I'm thinking Ann Landers on LSD and Jack Daniels at the same time. God, how do you read this drivel? Just reading your Cliff notes on Amanduh makes me feel like my head is fixing to explode.

[jcw]

Do you think Amanduh's head would explode if you pointed out the Free Markets/Capitalism definitions and that they are not interchangeable. Tim Worstall would occasionally venture over there to try and explain economics to them but I think he gave up when he saw the enormity of the task.

[CTD]

Dear god, how do you do this?

I found incredibly funny that Amanduh never actually got around to saying what (she thought) capitalism was in that post. She seems to think it's some set of business practices or ethics.

Actually, the biggest laugh I got out of Amanduh recently was a post where this self proclaimed "music snob" admitted that she thought singer Neko Case was a Canadian, not a southerner. Case's first solo album is titled "The Virginian."

[wayne fontes]

Isn't it wonderful that Punkass Marc is keeping Amanda out of circulation? And by wonderful, I mean really, really, really wonderful?

One really annoying habit that Amanda has that she really over uses the word really. I mean she really, really loves that word. It must come from her background as an English major.

[Foreigner]

You know, maybe Roger Simon was right. Maybe you are some obsessive lunatic.

[daphne]

Since I really need a Sex Toy Of Death in my love arsenal, Dennis, I'll give you the hands down winner of Amanda latest inanity.

It has got to be # 6

or maybe #9

shit, number 3 made me chuckle hard too.

Whatever. None of these men need to be in possession of a Sex Toy Of Death, it might give Amanda an easy excuse to verbally assault the public with new, gross waves of sentences that ignorantly butcher the language and leave all rational thought in a steaming, jizz filled puddle of crazy.

[Dennis The Peasant]

Hey, I'd rather be an obsessive lunatic that be Roger Simon. For one thing, your basic obsessive lunatic has a better rep!