Dennis the Peasant

Today's Racist Observation: Just Because Nobody Apologized Doesn't Mean It's Post Racial...

As a completely pointless exercise in faked conflict resolution, the Beer Summit went swimmingly.

Only Barack Obama could have pulled that off...

 

"OK, have you heard this one? A rabbi, a priest and a minister go fishing..."

Evidently Joe Biden was called in just in case someone wanted to play some pick-up basketball after the beer was gone.

And by the way, just what is Biden trying to throw in Skippy's beer?

The Training Video Skip Gates Obviously Missed...

Probably because I didn't put it up here at DtP:

Let's see how Prof. Gates did on the exam:

1. Obey the Law: N/A
2. Use Common Sense: Wrong Answer
3. Stop Immediately: N/A
4. Turn That Shit Off: N/A
5. Be Polite: Wrong Answer
6. Shut the Fuck Up: Wrong Answer
7. Get a White Friend: Half Right
8. Don't Ride With a Mad Woman: N/A 

Test Score: Not so good.

Wednesday's Racist Observation: You Know You're In Trouble When You're An Oppressed Black Man And You Can't Get Jon Stewart On Your Side...

This will leave a mark:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Henry Louis-Gate - Race Card
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

Now excuse me while I profile the negro who lives up the street.

Today's Racist Conspiracy: Is Dennis Running A Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, Or Do We Now Have Tapers In Our Midst?

Unable or unwilling to face with simple reality, our in-house progressive/liberal/Democrat Mark (markg8) has come to the conclusion that I am engaging in a vast right-wing conspiracy of sorts. That is, to wit, that because I haven't posted the two audio tapes relating to the arrest of Prof. Gates that were released by the City of Cambridge yesterday, I must be afraid of their contents and am...

bom, bom, bom (that's what movie types call dramatic reverb; it heightens suspense)...

CONCEALING THE TRUTH... 

Well, you never can be sure with us Less-Than-Completely-Thrilled-With-Obama types, so the possibility does exist that I'm engaging in an incredibly elaborate and highly sophisticated cover-up of l'affaire Gates by not posting those tapes at Dennis the Peasant, thus leaving only the limited resources of such outlets as YouTube, CNN, Fox, CNBC, ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, Reuters and Pajamas Media to provide them as best they can. Now if I had the ego of either Prof. Gates or President Obama I might actually believe it myself, but the awful truth is that the most traffic I've had in months was the 2,000 heavily armed Big Fat Lesbians that showed up here one day last week wanting to kick my sorry ass for making fun of Melissa McEwan. Without them, DtP is cruising along at around 500 uniques a day... Hardly the stuff coverups are made of.

Despite that, the idea that I'm trying to hide THE TRUTH from my readers by not posting the tapes here at DtP has a certain birther sort of charm to it: Whereas the birthers are convinced that President Obama has something to hide (i.e., his lack of citizenship) because he won't release his birth certificate, Mark is convinced I have something to hide (i.e., hideous police misconduct against poor Prof. Gates) because I won't post the Cambridge police audio tapes. If nothing else, I have to admit there is a rather appealing symmetry between the two ideas. And besides, what could be more fun for a conservative than sulking around, being conspiratorial and whatnot... 

So the question is this: Is Dennis CONCEALING THE TRUTH in a vast, right-wing conspiracy sort of way, or in Mark do we now have the first known instance of a Taper...?

Tuesday's Racist Observation: President Obama Looks Shrewder By The Moment...

From the notoriously right-wing CNN:

Clearly Cambridge police office Kelly King isn't really black. Like Clarence Thomas isn't really black...

Now excuse me, I must go profile the negro driving a UPS truck through the neighborhood.

Another Day, Another Racist Plot...

Over at TPM Cafe we have yet another example of honeys and crackers trampling on the rights of persons of color. From the overeducated mind of Nathan Newman, who works as the Policy Director for the Progressive Legislative Action Network when he isn't ferreting out racism in all its forms:

The Tyranny of the Tiny White States

So here's what Senate structures and the filibuster has reduced us too-- a bipartisan group of Senators from six of the smallest and whitest states in the country are holding health care hostage on the Senate finance committee. As the New York Times reports today, three Dems and three GOPers are negotiating to gut Obama and the House's health care bills. And who are the six?

• Max Baucus of Montana (pop 935,670- 89.2% white)
• Kent Conrad of North Dakota (pop 636,677- 90.1% white)
• Jeff Bingaman of New Mexico (pop 1,928,384- 42.8% white)
• Michael B. Enzi of Wyoming (pop 509,294- 88.8% white)
• Charles E. Grassley of Iowa (pop 2,966,334- 91.5% white)
• Olympia Snowe of Maine (pop 1,321,505 - 96% white).

Altogether, this rump group of negotiators represent just 8.3 million Americans or less than 3% of the population and only 1.6 million non-whites. Subtract Bingaman and that last number drops to just 521,000 non-whites represented by this group of Senate negotiators deciding the fate of health care for a diverse population of almost 300 million Americans.

Structurally, this is what bipartisanship means. The tyranny of tiny states and the exclusion of non-white concerns.

This is the structural racism built into a Constitution two hundred years ago to exclude the voting power of slaves and to this day privileges the power of a handful of small, mostly white states to undermine the will of the majority in our nation.

Goddamn racist constitution. Goddamn, goddamn racist white constitution.

Health care is a purely a racial issue? So opposition to Obama's health care reform bill is racist? Who knew?

Between this sort of talk and President Obama being all shrewd (as Mark would say) about race relations (and law enforcement), is it any wonder Obama, Pelosi and the Democratically controlled Congress are dropping like stones in the polls?

Note: Nathan has a Ph.D. in Sociology from Berkeley and a law degree from Yale. That about says it all for me.

Note the Second: Having 42.8% of the population classified as "white" qualifies New Mexico as one of the "whitest states" in the U.S.A.?

Tuesday's Racist News Bulletin: The Beers Sgt. Crowley, Prof. Gates and President Obama Will Be Drinking...

Sgt. Crowley:

 

Prof. Gates:

 

Tiberius Claudius Augustus Obama:

 

There's no such thing as post-racial beer, you know.

Now excuse me, I need to find a negro to oppress.

More Monday Racism: Raceblogging The Cambridge News Conference...

Here's what this honkey noted at today's Cambridge news conference:

• Cambridge's Mayor, Denise Simmons, looked and sounded quite uncomfortable.
• Cambridge's Police Commissioner, Robert Haas, looked and sounded quite relaxed.
• There will be no internal or external investigation of Sgt. Crowley's actions.
• The audio tapes are being released immediately.

Given Commissioner Haas' relaxed demeanor and his repeated request that reporters listen to the tapes and "form their own opinion" of what happened, I have the feeling Prof. Gates may end up with his day spoiled. Commissioner Haas did not act like a man who knew one of his men had fucked up.

But then again, he's white.

Monday's Other Racist Observation: We Crackers Don't Know Nuthin' 'Bout Black Folk...

You'd expect someone like Maureen Dowd to come down on the side of Prof. Gates, but it seems clear from her Saturday column that her enthusiasm for him is under control. What's of interest in the column, at least for this honkey, is the following:

How can they ever reconcile their accounts? Crowley says he asked Gates to come outside and the professor replied, “Ya, I’ll speak with your mama outside.” Gates wryly suggests Crowley got the line from watching “Good Times” as a child.

You got that right, Prof. Gates. We crackers don't know nuthin' 'bout black folk but what we sees on the tv. That's 'cause we crackers don't git no black folks out here in the suburbs...

Upon reading the above, Ann Althouse noted:

Now, Gates knows there's an audio recording. I've got to assume Crowley lied, completely made up that "your mama" stuff. Because otherwise, I would have to believe that an utter fool is a Harvard professor.

That's giving Gates the benefit of the doubt, of course. The fact that he would hand Maureen Dowd a gratuitous racial insult against Crowley (and white people in general) for publication in the New York Times seems to suggest - much as the police report did - that Prof. Gates is quite the horse's ass.

 

Monday's Racist Observation: Joe Biden Gives Barack Obama A Pep Talk

Last week was a tough one for the President, what with all the crackers and honkeys getting all bent out of shape because Post-Racial America turned out to be yet another of Obama's steaming piles. Fortunately for us, Vice President Joe Biden was around to make sure the President kept things in proper perspective...

Now excuse me while I go find a negro to hassle.