Dennis The Peasant's 2009 Blogging Awards... Part Two: The Bad And The Ugly

Well, here is the start of my worst of the worst list for 2009:

Creepiest Blogger - The Left: Andrew Sullivan of The Daily Dish

This is no contest, really.

As distasteful as Sullivan's full-blown obsession with so-called "torture" under the Bush Administration was, he really outdid himself in wallowing in his self-created cesspool about Sarah Palin's last pregnancy. Andrew's Palin obsession has been so creepy, in fact, that even the Left's most unhinged bloggers have refused to follow him there. Evidently The Atlantic put the clamps on his Palin obsession, but regardless, it's managed to manifest itself more than once over the past several months.

Frank Zappa once asked "What's the ugliest part of your body?" The answer holds true for Andrew more than most: "It's your mind."

Creepiest Blogger - The Right: Pamela Geller of Atlas Shrugs and Debbie Schlussel

The Twin Unhinged Harpys of the Apocalypse. Both are bigoted, stupid and hysterical. And both serve the Left well as poster children for Right-Wing craziness.

Of the two, Debbie Schlussel strikes me as being genuine potential mass murderer material. Her outlook is definitely Old Testament with a capital "T". I used to make fun of her - and even got one of her infamous cease-and-desist letters - but now I'm to the point of finding myself genuinely creeped out when reading more than one or two of her posts at a time. If I ever hear of someone gunning down 20 people in Detroit, she' going to be my first guess.

Now Pamela Geller is just as crazy as ol' Deb, but I doubt she'd risk breaking a nail to haul out an AK-47 and let loose a hail of lead at the nearest mosque. What makes her creepy - at least to me - is her attempts to fuse anti-Muslim fanaticism with sex... or more accurately, her boobs. Hey, I like boobs as much as the next guy, and Pam's rack seems - at a safe distance, mind you - to be above average, but there is a time and a place for everything: Hauling the kids out for display while simultaneously raving about the existential threat posed by Mohammedans doesn't suggest to me that she's in possession of the most ordered mind east of Jersey City. But that's just me.

Unfunniest Blogger - The Left: Jesse Taylor of Pandagon

Jesse Taylor is one of those guys who thinks he's funny. And witty. And clever. He's the guy in the room talking loud enough that everyone has to hear what he's saying... and has assumed he's bestowing a favor by doing so. You know the type.

Given the fact that he's sharing Pandagon with Amanda Marcotte and Pam Spaulding, Jesse should have twigged onto the idea that no matter how funny he was, he'd still only place third in number of laughs generated by a Pandagon blogger. But he didn't. Not that it matters: Jesse Taylor wouldn't know humor if it hit him in the goolies. His attempts, based largely on a complete misunderstanding of the application of sarcasm, border on being painful.

Unfunniest Blogger - The Right: Probably Me

But that's only because there's no competition.

Outside of SondraK (funniest blog), Iowahawk (funniest essayist) and Blame Bush (currently on hiatus), there really aren't any Right-Wing bloggers known to me who consciously attempt humor. In fact, the one thing that unites all of the high-profile Right-Wing bloggers is the fact that they seem to be genuinely humorless. I nominate myself for this award because you have to attempt humor to fail at it, which narrows the field considerably.

Worst Writer - The Left: Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon

No contest. Not now, not ever. That's because Amanda Marcotte's writing is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it. In fact, at times it's so awful as to be absolutely fascinating. If I would dare compare her to anyone, it would be Ed Wood of Plan 9 From Outer Space fame: She's so bad she's entertaining.

For quite some time This Week's Amanda Sentence was a regular (and popular) feature of this blog. That ended when Pandagon went to blogging software that makes cut-and-paste nearly impossible. I'm devoted to my readers, but I'll be damned if - after reading that dreck - I'm going to re-type it, too. In any event, nobody can mangle a 100+ word sentence like Amanda Marcotte. Grammar? Say what? Syntax? For other people. Logic? Never. And sentence fragments? Regular as rain.

She is, and always will be, The Master.

Worst Writer - The Right: Roger Kimball of Pajamas Media

Speaking of masters, Roger Kimball is a master of cringe-worthy hyperbole. And when I say cringe-worthy, I mean cringe-worthy. It got so bad I considered starting a This Week's Roger Kimball Sentence feature, but decided against the venture due to mental health considerations. Think about it: Reading Marcotte and Kimball every day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year... With a loaded Kimber .45 pistol in the house.

Roger, thy name is florid.

Biggest Scumbag - The Right: Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs

Ah, Charles: Failed musician, failed coder, failed businessman, and now a failed "conservative".

Actually, Johnson never was a conservative, anymore than he's really a liberal nowadays. Charles Johnson represents nothing more than a party of one: Charles Johnson. He is, and always has been, the grandfather of internet opportunism.

When he thought it could make him a buck, Charles raised mindless anti-Muslim, anti-Arab racism to an art form. He mocked global warming when it was convenient. He railed against Democrats when he thought it would earn him applause. He feuded with DailyKOS if it seemed doing so would get him more notoriety.

Then, when it was clear that conservatism and the Republican Party were in for a rough patch, and when it became obvious that other Right-Wing bloggers didn't feel the need to bow to the great Johnson's whims, Charles re-discovered his liberal roots. And, being the sort of man he is, he then went about trying to find a way to make a buck off it.

Biggest Scumbag - The Left: Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs

There's something truly repellent about a man who spent years stoking the fires of anti-Muslim racism now spending much of his time claiming everyone else is racist. There's also something repellent about a man who is so casual with the truth that he can claim he'd always believed in global warming while posts on his own blog from as late as 2007 prove otherwise. But that's Charles Johnson.

While there is no doubt that a number of Left Wing bloggers have used Charles Johnson to club the Right, it now seems clear that the Left never really will trust him. The fact that Charles' big coming out announcement got him noticed by nobody above liberal D-Lister Alan Colmes (and whack-job Andrew Sullivan) seems to confirm that Charles' usefulness to the likes of KOS was momentary.

No doubt Charles will plod along, lecturing all about the evils of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Stacey McCain, hoping against hope that one or the other will take notice of him. It's a sad existence, but one that Charles richly deserves.

Worst Communal Blog - The Left: TPM Cafe

Josh Marshall is a greasy little fuck of an opportunist, but by and large Talking Points Memo is a very well designed and run astroturfing operation. Republicans would do well to duplicate it. That said, TPM Cafe is as bad as it gets. Dominated by short list of the Left's most self-important and/or overhyped public intellectuals (Robert Reich, Todd Gitlin, Nathan Newman, Dean Baker and especially M.J. Rosenberg), TPM Cafe is messy and uninteresting conpendium of Lefty rants, obsessions and outright silliness.

Worst Communal Blog - The Right: Pajamas Media and National Review's The Corner

My views on the quality of Pajamas Media's efforts are well known, so there's no real reason to go into much detail here. It remains dull and unfocused, and the vast majority in its stable of writers are decidedly second-rate. When was the last time you saw a blog linking an article at PJM? I rest my case. 

In some respects, The Corner is even worse than Pajamas Media. The reason is simple: At best it reads like the conversation between a bunch of junior executives noshing before the start of their work day; at worst it's a second-rate Instapundit linking machine.

There will be more coming later. The last thing I would want to do is overwhelm my readers. That being said, there's a whole lot of suckage out there that needs to be attended to.

Comments

[bonze blayk]

"As distasteful as Sullivan's full-blown obsession with so-called "torture" under the Bush Administration was..."

I really have no opinion regarding Sullivan--I never read his stuff--but, c'mon, Mr. Peasant, you don't wanna get into an argument with Jesse Ventura... do you? Besides being a frogman, Jesse is arguably one of the wisest men on earth: “I asked him [the Dalai Lama] the most important question that I think you could ask - if he had ever seen Caddy Shack.”

But I must award you a "big ditto" re: Pam. I was following Atlas Shrugs for a while, mostly for entertainment value, but after a while I got seriously creeped out.

[iolanach]

I don't know, i think the guys over at Ace of Spades are pretty damn funny.

[jcw]

Thank you for not linking to these knotheads. The Jesse Taylor characterization was spot on. He strikes me as a big, loud, blowhard. If he and Al Franken were in the same bar at the same time I can't imagine the noise level.

[badanov]

Dennis:

If you want I can write a quick crawler script that will scrape the text you want, and then email it to you.

[just passin by]

Well, most blogging (& commenting :> ) is ranting, and it's hard to be funny while you rant...intentionally. Blogging is personal and self-important by nature, which makes for an another interesting analogy between bloggers and journalists.

Andrew and Charles are birds of a feather; Pam seems a little ditzy and Debbie was always too shrill to read; I don't read the leftist bloggers at all.

If I want accurate info on the war, I go to the milbloggers. If I want a rant (I often do), I go to nicedoggie, cold fury, or ace.

For political humor, here. I understand why "hog on ice" became "tools of renewal", but DAMN, Steve was good.

[Mike C.]

"Hauling the kids out for display while simultaneously raving about the existential threat posed by Mohammedans doesn't suggest to me that she's in possession of the most ordered mind east of Jersey City. But that's just me."

Heh.

[Mike C.]

Oh, and the only person I know of worth reading over at PJM is Bill Whittle. The only problem with that is that Bill Whittle has abandoned writing essays (at which he was quite good, IMHO) for doing Whittle-Light videos. I rarely even bother to look at them anymore. Shooting for the lowest common denominator may bring fame and fortune (or not), but it's not worth my time, and it's always sad to see somebody prostitute themselves.

[DocSavage]

Tunnel Rat of IT Grunt fame seriously creeped me out to the point of never going back to his blog. I understand he's had his hosting company shut him down. Although I'm all in favor of freedom of speech, I draw the line at threats involving firearms.

[Mike C.]

Threats with firearms are stupid.

If you're going to shoot somebody, just do it. Don't give them a heads-up first.

[Dan from Madison]

I can't believe that Ollie "bag of donuts" Willis didn't at least make honorable mention for something.

[Randy Rager]

The first rule of Oliver Willis is you don't talk about Oliver Willis. Or link the little attention whore.

Course, if we followed rules we'd be liberal pussies, now wouldn't we?

[Simon]

Other funny right wingers not mentioned I can think of are Jim Treacher, Tim Blair (Aussie blogger) and Greg Gutfeld/the Daily Gut.

Love Ace - funniest threads on the net.

Good call on Jesse and Mandy. Pam is really the weak link at Pandy - is there a word for 'stupid but not so stupid as to be amusing' - maybe in French.

[richard mcenroe]

I do think you're somewhat unfair to Ace of AoS. And Jeff Goldstein was surreally funny, back before people began threatening his kid. That will knock some of the funny out of you.

Of course, you may not think they succeed at humor, and yer entitled to yer opinion. But if attempting humor and failing at it disqualified you from being called funny, then Garrison Keillor, Ben Stiller, Will Ferrel and Senator Franken should all return their comedic licenses...

[richard mcenroe]

Oh, and they're right. Never threaten with a firearm. Putting a threat like that out where it can be recorded (like, I dunno, on the internet) is a bad plan.

Surprise with a firearm.

I'm just sayin'...

[Dennis The Peasant]

I don't read Ace of Spades, so I'm pleading innocent on all charges regarding him.

And yes, Jeff Goldstein was - at one time - brilliant... But I don't read Protein Wisdom anymore.

[beb]

Big, big agreement on PJTV. That has been a disaster from the beginning. A collection of decent writers trying to become video stars. Seriously, there are bloggers who's image has been destroyed by the ill advised video shorts they appear in.

And the video engine they use is terrible. Why is it that I can watch youtube all day long without any problems but PJTV just never seems to work properly.

The only reason I go there anymore is that a certain blogger (ahem Insta...) I visit daily has a constant collection of links to PJTV. At least now I've begun to recognize names and have been able to avoid them more.

[John-Paul Pagano]

How the hell did Glenn Greenwald lose the Worst Writer award? He actually used the word "sensationalistically" the other day.

[V the K]

there really aren't any Right-Wing bloggers known to me who consciously attempt humor.

I am so wounded.

[GeneralMalaise]

Disagree with you re: The Corner... most informative... no others even close.

[Grimcargo]

I was with you until you started insulting Pamela Geller. Whether you like her or not. She gets out there on the street. Do you?

[Jennifer]

I agree with you about Debbie Schlussel - she is a hard edged, intolerant, fanatic who hates everyone. Pam Geller is a bit over the top but harmless. I disagree on The Corner (any blog that has Mark Steyn is A-ok with me), and I 100% agree with you over Charles Johnson.

[Jennifer]

AoS deserves a big thank you for its take downs of Charles Johnson (which I am told infuriated him) in the Vann Jones affair, however it would benefit form a registration system as everyone changes their nics over there at lest one a week. AS for Pajamas Media - hey they have Victor Davis Hansen.

[Katemaclaren]

Ace of Spades is brilliantly funny--and after it became increasingly clear that CJ had jumped several sharks at once, AoS had one post that talks about LGF's demise and someone dragging the carcass of LGF around the ring, was priceless. I wish I had saved it

[Katemaclaren]

I agree with you Jennifer--AoS needs some kind of registration system because the nic changes can be confusing--specially when you see the nic mimic (posting as Charles Johnson, for example)--but even that is pretty funny!

Dennis you are spot on about most of these people. I don't read Pam Geller, but I will say she has nerves of steel--she's got to be on CAIR's hit list somewhere.

[Jennifer]

Thanks Kate

Ace does need a registration system. For all I now a single poster in the course of a year might use 20 different nics.

[Yankev]

Dennis must not think too highly of me - my first stop when I turn on the computer is The Corner (where I've been quoted) and I contribute, every now and then, to Pajamas Media.

Schlussel's not likely to go postal but she's incredibly tone deaf to any criticism. With Debbie, everything, and I mean everything, even her politics, is secondary to her zeal for self-promotion. With Debbie, every subject is all about Debbie. She once tracked me down and on the phone threatened to sue me for defamation.

Pam Geller, I think, has a touch of batshit crazy about her, and she's not as smart as she thinks she is. +1 on her rack, though, which has to be one of the best in the blogosphere (Dr. Helen's is pretty nice too).

I was going to disagree about Roger Kimball but then I realized that I've never read completely through anything he's written because it's too dry.