Dennis the Peasant

Real Or Not? You Guess...

It's contest time. The contest? Can you guess whether this really happened or not...

December 2, 2009:

• Dennis gets an email from 'Roger L. Simon' that says, "Well done. Roger." The emailer is referring to this post.
• Dennis replies, "LOL. Good one, whoever you are!".
• Dennis gets an email from 'Roger L. Simon' that says, "It's me."
• Dennis replies, "OK, I'll bite... "Roger": Tell me something only you and I would know. Something about my happy weekend in LA, for example."
• Dennis gets an email, "You stayed at the Hollywood Renaissance." Dennis did stay at the Hollywood Renaissance.
• Dennis replies, "OK, it's you. If you don't mind me saying so, you're about the last person I expected to hear from today (or any other day)."
• Dennis gets an email, "I may be a nicer guy than you think I am. Liked your Sullivan piece. Made me smile. Cheers."

What you have to guess is whether the above really happened. Give me your guess, and why you've guessed as you have. The winner will get a genuine Pandagon Vagina O' Death combination bottle opener and doorstop, plus an equally genuine Pandagon Snuggie.

 

The Vagina O' Death bottle opener and doorstop...

 

The Pandagonian Snuggie...

Fuck Yemen, Let's Invade Israel...

Andrew Sullivan furrows his oft-furrowed brow and decides the real problem is all them Jooooos...

Andrew smoked a bit too much Arkansas Polio Weed before painting posters for his pals.

Not only that, he's ready to bitch-slap anyone slighting his beloved Bambi:

As Netanyahu engages in yet another "go fuck-yourself" to the president of the United States,...

Blinded by true man-love, Andrew misses the fact that world leaders from China to India to Iran to France are lining up to give Bambi a personalized "go fuck-yourself" moment. In any event, it seems them nasty Jooooos are being entirely unreasonable and mean to the entirely peaceful and reasonable Palestinians:

...and continues his ethnic social engineering in East Jerusalem, an op-ed in Ha'aretz gives an insight into the forces he is coping with at home.

That's right, Jooooos got The Force! But of course Andrew isn't fooled a bit:

Americans can be a little naive when it comes to many Israelis' view of the West Bank and the religious and tribal fundamentalism that courses through their discourse.

Yep, all you slobs in Flyover Land, you're just too stupid to understand just how tricky them Jooooos really are. See, if you were a dope-smokin', fudge-packin', Harvard-edjamacated Limey, you'd be hip to them Jooooos. You'd also be hip to the fact that Palestinians are just like Rosa Parks... Except for the minor fact that Rosa Parks never lobbed missiles into the white part of town.

Oh well, details...

Anyway, Andrew's ready to solve the problem of them pesky Jooooos as only he can:

Increasingly, it seems to me, NATO or US troops will have to intervene on the border to enforce a separation and an end to these settlements for good and all.

Andrew wants to invade Israel? Wow, them Jooooos must be way more evil than Sarah Palin, 'cause we all know he'd never invade Sarah.

The Bomb In My Underwear...

Dennis The Peasant's 2009 Blogging Awards... Part Two: The Bad And The Ugly

Well, here is the start of my worst of the worst list for 2009:

Creepiest Blogger - The Left: Andrew Sullivan of The Daily Dish

This is no contest, really.

As distasteful as Sullivan's full-blown obsession with so-called "torture" under the Bush Administration was, he really outdid himself in wallowing in his self-created cesspool about Sarah Palin's last pregnancy. Andrew's Palin obsession has been so creepy, in fact, that even the Left's most unhinged bloggers have refused to follow him there. Evidently The Atlantic put the clamps on his Palin obsession, but regardless, it's managed to manifest itself more than once over the past several months.

Frank Zappa once asked "What's the ugliest part of your body?" The answer holds true for Andrew more than most: "It's your mind."

Creepiest Blogger - The Right: Pamela Geller of Atlas Shrugs and Debbie Schlussel

The Twin Unhinged Harpys of the Apocalypse. Both are bigoted, stupid and hysterical. And both serve the Left well as poster children for Right-Wing craziness.

Of the two, Debbie Schlussel strikes me as being genuine potential mass murderer material. Her outlook is definitely Old Testament with a capital "T". I used to make fun of her - and even got one of her infamous cease-and-desist letters - but now I'm to the point of finding myself genuinely creeped out when reading more than one or two of her posts at a time. If I ever hear of someone gunning down 20 people in Detroit, she' going to be my first guess.

Now Pamela Geller is just as crazy as ol' Deb, but I doubt she'd risk breaking a nail to haul out an AK-47 and let loose a hail of lead at the nearest mosque. What makes her creepy - at least to me - is her attempts to fuse anti-Muslim fanaticism with sex... or more accurately, her boobs. Hey, I like boobs as much as the next guy, and Pam's rack seems - at a safe distance, mind you - to be above average, but there is a time and a place for everything: Hauling the kids out for display while simultaneously raving about the existential threat posed by Mohammedans doesn't suggest to me that she's in possession of the most ordered mind east of Jersey City. But that's just me.

Unfunniest Blogger - The Left: Jesse Taylor of Pandagon

Jesse Taylor is one of those guys who thinks he's funny. And witty. And clever. He's the guy in the room talking loud enough that everyone has to hear what he's saying... and has assumed he's bestowing a favor by doing so. You know the type.

Given the fact that he's sharing Pandagon with Amanda Marcotte and Pam Spaulding, Jesse should have twigged onto the idea that no matter how funny he was, he'd still only place third in number of laughs generated by a Pandagon blogger. But he didn't. Not that it matters: Jesse Taylor wouldn't know humor if it hit him in the goolies. His attempts, based largely on a complete misunderstanding of the application of sarcasm, border on being painful.

Unfunniest Blogger - The Right: Probably Me

But that's only because there's no competition.

Outside of SondraK (funniest blog), Iowahawk (funniest essayist) and Blame Bush (currently on hiatus), there really aren't any Right-Wing bloggers known to me who consciously attempt humor. In fact, the one thing that unites all of the high-profile Right-Wing bloggers is the fact that they seem to be genuinely humorless. I nominate myself for this award because you have to attempt humor to fail at it, which narrows the field considerably.

Worst Writer - The Left: Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon

No contest. Not now, not ever. That's because Amanda Marcotte's writing is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it. In fact, at times it's so awful as to be absolutely fascinating. If I would dare compare her to anyone, it would be Ed Wood of Plan 9 From Outer Space fame: She's so bad she's entertaining.

For quite some time This Week's Amanda Sentence was a regular (and popular) feature of this blog. That ended when Pandagon went to blogging software that makes cut-and-paste nearly impossible. I'm devoted to my readers, but I'll be damned if - after reading that dreck - I'm going to re-type it, too. In any event, nobody can mangle a 100+ word sentence like Amanda Marcotte. Grammar? Say what? Syntax? For other people. Logic? Never. And sentence fragments? Regular as rain.

She is, and always will be, The Master.

Worst Writer - The Right: Roger Kimball of Pajamas Media

Speaking of masters, Roger Kimball is a master of cringe-worthy hyperbole. And when I say cringe-worthy, I mean cringe-worthy. It got so bad I considered starting a This Week's Roger Kimball Sentence feature, but decided against the venture due to mental health considerations. Think about it: Reading Marcotte and Kimball every day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year... With a loaded Kimber .45 pistol in the house.

Roger, thy name is florid.

Biggest Scumbag - The Right: Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs

Ah, Charles: Failed musician, failed coder, failed businessman, and now a failed "conservative".

Actually, Johnson never was a conservative, anymore than he's really a liberal nowadays. Charles Johnson represents nothing more than a party of one: Charles Johnson. He is, and always has been, the grandfather of internet opportunism.

When he thought it could make him a buck, Charles raised mindless anti-Muslim, anti-Arab racism to an art form. He mocked global warming when it was convenient. He railed against Democrats when he thought it would earn him applause. He feuded with DailyKOS if it seemed doing so would get him more notoriety.

Then, when it was clear that conservatism and the Republican Party were in for a rough patch, and when it became obvious that other Right-Wing bloggers didn't feel the need to bow to the great Johnson's whims, Charles re-discovered his liberal roots. And, being the sort of man he is, he then went about trying to find a way to make a buck off it.

Biggest Scumbag - The Left: Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs

There's something truly repellent about a man who spent years stoking the fires of anti-Muslim racism now spending much of his time claiming everyone else is racist. There's also something repellent about a man who is so casual with the truth that he can claim he'd always believed in global warming while posts on his own blog from as late as 2007 prove otherwise. But that's Charles Johnson.

While there is no doubt that a number of Left Wing bloggers have used Charles Johnson to club the Right, it now seems clear that the Left never really will trust him. The fact that Charles' big coming out announcement got him noticed by nobody above liberal D-Lister Alan Colmes (and whack-job Andrew Sullivan) seems to confirm that Charles' usefulness to the likes of KOS was momentary.

No doubt Charles will plod along, lecturing all about the evils of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Stacey McCain, hoping against hope that one or the other will take notice of him. It's a sad existence, but one that Charles richly deserves.

Worst Communal Blog - The Left: TPM Cafe

Josh Marshall is a greasy little fuck of an opportunist, but by and large Talking Points Memo is a very well designed and run astroturfing operation. Republicans would do well to duplicate it. That said, TPM Cafe is as bad as it gets. Dominated by short list of the Left's most self-important and/or overhyped public intellectuals (Robert Reich, Todd Gitlin, Nathan Newman, Dean Baker and especially M.J. Rosenberg), TPM Cafe is messy and uninteresting conpendium of Lefty rants, obsessions and outright silliness.

Worst Communal Blog - The Right: Pajamas Media and National Review's The Corner

My views on the quality of Pajamas Media's efforts are well known, so there's no real reason to go into much detail here. It remains dull and unfocused, and the vast majority in its stable of writers are decidedly second-rate. When was the last time you saw a blog linking an article at PJM? I rest my case. 

In some respects, The Corner is even worse than Pajamas Media. The reason is simple: At best it reads like the conversation between a bunch of junior executives noshing before the start of their work day; at worst it's a second-rate Instapundit linking machine.

There will be more coming later. The last thing I would want to do is overwhelm my readers. That being said, there's a whole lot of suckage out there that needs to be attended to.

Hey, Where's The Shortest, One-Legged, One-Armed Guy In This Bar?

Well, it seems Al Franken is establishing himself as the senate's Norman Mailer:

Al Franken, the Democrat from Minnesota who won election to the Senate after a successful career as a comic and author, has begun to show the sharp-tongued side of his personality by ripping into GOP staffers behind the scenes.

Lefties are, of course, thrilled. In their universe, a U.S. senator bitching out helpless staffers constitutes speaking truth to power. Then again, when your idea of fearless leadership is what Bambi Obama does, maybe tearing into the hired help - somebody else's hired help, that is - is a close to macho as you can get.

My take on Al Franken is a bit different.

If you're a normal kind of guy, you really only have to watch Franken for about five minutes before you understand the whole "I'm a badass" routine he's putting down. We've all met his type before. He's the asshole that walks into a bar and proceeds to pick a fight with the shortest guy in said bar - preferably a guy with some sort of physical handicap as well - to prove his manhood. That's Al Franken: He's looking to fight anyone who can't fight back. In his mind, that demonstrates he's a man's man.

Of course, men who are comfortable with themselves as men don't do that sort of thing. They don't have a need to beat up people to prove themselves. Nor do they run around berating people who cannot berate back without fear of losing their livelihood. Which brings me back to the whole Norman Mailer thing. You know, if Mailer had been endowed beyond the size of a cocktail weenie, he wouldn't have felt compelled to act the way he did. There wouldn't have been a need for the bluster and random violence to prove his manhood.

I suspect it's the same with Al Franken: His behavior boils down more to an issue of endowment than an issue of politics. He's probably the smallest guy in any bar, even if he isn't the shortest.

Dennis The Peasant's 2009 Blogging Awards... Part One: The Good

I've never bothered handing out awards before, largely because the only meaningful awards there are in this world are the ones I win. And since I haven't won any, what we have is a sort of existential conundrum of minor proportions.

That said, what the fuck, let's hand out some awards...

First, the Best:

Best Political Blogger: Jane Hamsher of firedoglake

OK, I'm sure this one's got you scratching your head. Jane's a true-blue progressive and I'm the sort of conservative who'd just as soon serve polar bear in a mushroom sauce as cut back on my carbon footprint. But hear me out on this one. Jane isn't winning because I agree with her politics, she's winning because she - and she alone - has been utterly fearless in documenting (and criticizing) Bambi Obama's complete sell-out of progressives over health care, er, insurance reform.

Where just about every other Democrat/liberal/progressive blogger on the planet is now attempting to polish the turd that is Obama's health care, er, insurance reform, Jane Hamsher has stuck to her principles rather than equivocate for the sake of The One's political legacy. 

You have to wonder what Bambi could have done had he been born with a pair the size of Jane's.

And... One can only wonder what would have happened in 2008 had more conservative bloggers (like my own true self) demonstrated the courage to hold fast to their convictions and started challenging - rather than excusing - George W. Bush's sell-outs in, say, 2003.

For this particular curmudgeon of a blogger integrity triumphs over mere politics, and Jane Hamsher has demonstrated she has more of it than just about anyone in the political blogosphere - left or right. That's why Jane Hamsher is Dennis the Peasant's 2009 Blogger of the Year.

That, and three dollars will get her a latte at Starbucks. Maybe.

Best Political Blog: firedoglake

Again, I understand perfectly that I'm handing an award to a progressive blog whose politics I cannot stand. Doesn't matter. firedoglake has provided more quality information and analysis of the health care, er, insurance debacle than any other site I can think of. As with any collaborative effort, some of fdl's writers are better than others, but between Jane Hamsher, Jon Walker and a few others, firedoglake has been my go-to blog for quality health care, er, insurance reform information over the past six or so months.

Best Humor Blog: SondraK

I tend to think of myself as being a fairly funny writer, and in all honesty, there's only one blog that consistently arouses my humor envy: SondraK. Not only do I find myself laughing, I also find myself thinking "Damn, I wish I'd thought of that!" As soon as I can figure out how to steal their stuff without being caught, I will.

Best Personal Blog: Tools of Renewal

Steve H. Graham used to write about politics. Then, realizing he was smarter, more honest and a better writer than just about any right-wing blogger out there, Steve decided he was wasting his time trying to talk sense to the sort of people who get their worldview from twits like Michelle Malkin. And you know what? He was right. Tools of Renewal is great: Steve he writes an utterly personal blog about religion (his), power tools and cooking. He keeps it quite a bit more interesting than anything you'll find here. Unfortunately.  

Best Out of the Blue Blog: David Thompson

It's hard to come up with a quick description that adequately describes Thompson's blog. The only thing I can think to say that might do him justice is to say that he finds some of the best, most interesting, out-of-the-way stuff on the internet. He is also very good at giving femnists shit.

Best Economics/Slap the Weenies Around Blog: Tim Worstall

Tim is a very good economist and an even better bitch-slapper of terminally dimwitted Euro-lefties. He's a Brit, and so normally confines himself to pummeling the sort of idiots that write for (or read) The Guardian. But don't let that put you off. Even if you're not a fan of British politics and whatnot, you should be reading Tim Worstall's blog. If nothing else, he is to be greatly admired for making Richard Murphy's life more difficult!

Best Writing: Daphne of Jaded Haven and Cassandra of Villainous Company

Whenever I start feeling like I might evolve - sometime in the near future - into a shit-hot writer, I go and read Daphne and Cassandra. That's my humble pie. It doesn't really matter what they write about (although both are thoughtful enough for anyone), just go to each and enjoy the quality of expression.

Best Just For The Hell Of It Daily Read: Ann Althouse

Here's a high-profile blogger who's actually comfortable in her own skin, and one of the few bloggers I've read I would actually want to sit down and talk with. One of my few daily reads.

Well, that's about it for my best of the best. If anyone else pops into the ol' cranium, I'll update this post. As for the worst of the worst, that will be a bit more extensive, and will probably not appear until after Christmas.

Whatever...

There's some bimbo out there in cyberspace named Annalee Newitz who says James Cameron's newest borefest, Avatar, is racist. Now I know what you're thinking... Who the fuck is Annalee Newitz? Well, according to wikipedia, she's a journalist. A white journalist. A white journalist with ties to Berkeley, California, people like Cornell West, and a couple of books with titles like White Trash: Race and Class in America.

So now you know who Annalee Newitz is. And what she is. Which is a professional grievance-monger. And in this case, a professional grievance-monger who seems intent on fixing her teeth to James Cameron's behind in an attempt to generate a bit of interest in whatever it is she has on sale today. Which seems to be a bit of good old-fashioned white guilt.

Given that Annalee's a female and a commie and a free-lance journalist and an author, she's pretty well situated on the totem pole of grievance-mongering (Totem pole... nice racist imagery there, eh? Took me 10 minutes to think that one up). At least she's higher up than white male liberal weenie Canadian James Cameron, which is all that really counts when it comes to grievance-mongering.

Being the sort of conservative, semi-Republican reactionary who would just as soon stomp on a butterfly as help an old lady across the street, it's pretty much a given that I wouldn't give a shit whether Avatar actually was racist. When it comes down to it, I simply don't possess enough white man's guilt to motivate my own true self to perform the amount of ritual self-flagellation necessary to make me socially acceptable to the Annalee Newitz's of the world.

Beyond that, we're talking James Cameron here. We're talking Titanic and The Abyss... two of the shittest movies ever made. Given a choice, I'd gladly spend the three or so hours poking myself in the eyes and take a pass on Avatar. Cameron's made exactly two good movies, Aliens and Terminator, and both were made over 20 years ago. And now that Arnold's turned out to be a A-One asshole, I can't even stand to watch Terminator.

Which brings me to Alien. Great flick. And you want to know what I learned from that flick? If you're not sufficiently ruthless with those who are different from you, some day one of 'em will be popping out of your stomach.

Note: OK, all you anal-retents, James Cameron directed Aliens, not Alien. My bad. Smack me upside the head and call me Andrew Sullivan. The point still stands: If you're too tolerant, there's an excellent chance you'll end up being the blue-plate special.

Note the Second: Had she been in Aliens, I'd wager the last words of dimbulb Annalee Newitz (she would have been the Sulaco's Diversity Officer, no doubt) before being torn to shreds by the Alien Queen would have been "We'd like to establish a respectful dialogue with you in order to foster mutual understanding and cooperation". That would, of course, make her death a justifiable homicide in my eyes.

Another Day, Another Sell-Out...

Bambi Obama decides it's time to show femnists the same sort of love he's shown progressives, anti-war types, environmentalists and the LGBT community:

The new managers amendment to the merged Senate bill incorporates Sen. Bob Casey’s (D-PA) language strengthening the segregation of private and public funds and increasing federal support for adoptions, with a new provision that would allow states “to prohibit abortion coverage in qualified health plans offered through an Exchange in such State if such State enacts a law to provide for such prohibition”.

In other words, states can opt-out of abortion coverage that goes beyond the Hyde amendment. A state may also repeal the prohibition and allow plans in the exchange to offer abortion coverage, so long as those procedures are financed with private premiums.

In states that don’t prohibit abortion coverage within the exchange, federal dollars can only be used to pay for abortions when the pregnancy threatens the life of the mother or results from rape or incest; private premiums must be used to pay for any other type of abortion, including those for health reasons. Each exchange will also have to offer at least one plan that does not offer abortion.

It will be interesting to see just how many of within the femnist community manage to excuse Obama for this amazing sell-out. I suspect most will... The point of interest will be their so-called justifications for giving Bambi a pass.

And these people think Joe Lieberman and Mitch McConnell are the enemy...

Bambi Does For Climate Change What He Did For Health Care, Er, Insurance Reform...

Evidently the sight of Bambi collapsing into a heap of whining petulence at Hopenchangen was too much for the Chinese, Indians and South Africans.

So they threw The One a pacifier to suck on...

President Obama has reached a "meaningful agreement" with China, India and South Africa to curb greenhouse gas emissions following a marathon day of talks in Copenhagen, an administration official said late Friday.

Obama had delayed his scheduled departure from Copenhagen and was in the final stages of overseeing the creation of a non-binding agreement to cut global greenhouse gases, the official said.  The deal will prevent global temperature increases of no more than two degrees centigrade by 2020, the official said. 

The official acknowledged the agreement is "not sufficient" to combat climate change, but called it an "important first step."

How is a non-binding treaty that admittedly isn't "sufficent" a "meaningful agreement"? Well, it's meaningful in just about the same way the senate health care, er, insurance reform bill is meaningful: It gives Bambi something meaningless to wave about while claiming victory.

After all, what it all boils down to is ego. Right? Everything must be sacrificed to Bambi's ego.

Meanwhile, in the real world, senate Democrats continue to make it abundantly clear they have no intention of passing Cap-and-Trade. Period.

No doubt Bambi will fight for climate justice with the same vigor he's fought for health care reform, the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, the abolition of Don't Ask Don't Tell, banking and financial regulation reform and the end of the war in Afghanistan and our involvement in Iraq.

Ergo, nothing to worry about: There'll be polar bears living in Miami before you can say "Al Gore".

I think the enviroweenies are going to love this important first step in just about the same way progressives are loving Bambi's important first step in health care, er, insurance reform. But that's just me... I'm cynical.

Thinning The Herd...

See what a bicycle and idealistic silliness will get you? There are damn good reasons for using some form of motorized transport to travel distances; that's why it was invented in the first place:

A 70-year-old retired priest and green campaigner who cycled to the world climate change summit in Copenhagen has died in his sleep after arriving there.

Kind of sums up both Copenhagen and its attendees for me