Aren't We The Smart Ones...

Congratulations to my readership.

Nearly each and every one of you correctly guessed that the email exchanged detailed in Real or Not? You Guess was, in fact, completely genuine. I stopped by the local box 'n' pack where I get my mail and asked the owner, Lurch, if he'd be up to boxing and packing and sending 25 or so Vagina O' Death combination bottle opener/doorstops and Pandagon Snuggies and he said, "No sirree, Dennis". Lurch is normally pretty accomodating, but it didn't help that one of the VoDs ate the box we were trying to pack it in. So, as far as Lurch is concerned, shipments of VoDs are a big no-go.

Given that the charges connected to what is now know in Westerville as the "Tanning Salon Incident" are still pending, I'm going to forego attempting to find a box 'n' pack establishment that can handle my, um, unique requirements. If we get things negotiated down to a couple of misdemeanors and a fine instead of jail time (my lawyer, Swifty, seems to be optimistic on both counts), I'll make another attempt at shipping and/or anger management.

Anyway, several of you seem to have misunderstood my motivations regarding the posting of these emails. Given the way I normally act, this is completely understandable. However, let me say here and now that my purpose had nothing to do with trying to ignite a flame-war between either Roger and myself or Roger and Charles Johnson.

Honest.

If you think about it, the idea that we'll ever see a flame-war between Roger L. Simon and Charles Johnson seems pretty far-fetched. Simply put, each has enough dirt to bury the other. I don't think either has any interest in mutually assured destruction as long as each is determined to use the internet to separate the feeble-minded from their monies.

As far as my own interest in a flame-war with Roger L. Simon, it is well below the threshold of actualization. I've been there and done that. Besides, the sad truth of the matter is that Roger L. Simon is a bore. Nobody reads him, nobody links him, nobody discusses him. And that includes me. Remember, my original mission was to exact a measure of revenge, and that was accomplished years ago.

The only reason I bothered putting up Roger's emails was simply because it was the single strangest thing that happened to me in all of 2009. It's strange because it wasn't a case of one estranged friend reaching out to another in hopes of some sort of reconciliation. Roger and I were never friends. I've spent a total of maybe 20 hours over 3 days around the man. We talked over the phone a couple of dozen times, maybe. And we emailed. Maybe people in El Lay consider that much contact enough to form a deep friendship, but people in Ohio certainly don't.

So, being 2009's number one "What The Fuck?" moment for me, I decided it was worth sharing with my devoted readers. I really have a hard time believing that any sane person who has been subjected (publicly) to the amount of venom and vitriol I have hurled in Simon's direction would think that a single compliment regarding an insignificant blog post could somehow alter my opinion as to his worth as a human being.

Evidently Rog still thinks I'm Jethro Bodine.

Comments

[Mike C.]

Rats, and I didn't play.

In my own defense, I have not only spent 0 hours in communication with RLS, but have also spent 0 hours reading anything he ever wrote in any format, so I had no basis to judge. Maybe Chaz can give RLS some pointers on how to gain temporary web traffic by flailing about the blogosphere.

Meanwhile, if, in 2010, you get a similar missive from Chaz, you might want to consider a pair of cast iron BVDs and hiring somebody to watch your six. Just syaing...

[J West]

1. Virtues of Jethro Bodine are highly underrated.
V/R JWest

[Mark]

mmmm, Ellie Mae.

[Dennis The Peasant]

mmmm, Grannie.

[Uncle Fester]

mmmm, Miss Hathaway!

[Eric Blair]

You just know Miss Hathaway was seriously kinky.

[Dennis The Peasant]

Lord, I forgot about that Goddess!

[hedberg]

Oh yeah, Elly May .

Sure.

You bet.

[Dennis The Peasant]

Maybe you can afford to be picky, but take a look at my picture some time and tell me I can...

[Mark]

Mr. Drysdale's Imperial...mmmm. Miss Hathaway always drove cool Chrysler convertibles, too.

[Uncle Fester]

Stop your drooling, Miss Jane is mine!

[DocSavage]

What do you think Ms Jane and Mr. Drysdale were doing on the weekends? And why did the cameras never show us the basement of the bank?
I'll tell you: it was Ms Jane who was really in charge!

[C.S. Louis]

You're no Jethro, but you could have done a Jethrine in Californy better than Baer.

[C.S. Louis]

You're no Jethro, but you could have done a Jethrine in Californy better than Baer.

[Lefty]

How fitting that this thread devolved into a discussion of the Beverly Hillbillies. There's something right about that but I can't put my finger on it...

[Dennis The Peasant]

There's also something predictably right about a dimwit progressive showing up to cast some unimaginative snark in an predictably unsuccessful attempt to show himself as being the 'smart one' of the group. Wow, that's never been done before.

Lounge with the hogs, be prepared to answer to 'pig'.

[Lefty]

I'm more interested in whether or not the "Tanning Salon Incident" actually happened than anything Roger Simon does or says.

[janet napolitano]

It was NOT an "incident". It was a man-caused epidermal disaster...

[Bweep]

I actually sat through the whole of Charles Johnson's bloggingheads video interview. Are we likely to see Dennis follow suit? I've a feeling it would run and run.