It's A Relief To Know It's All My Fault...

There you were thinking the earthquake in Haiti was a natural disaster.

Silly you.

It's an American disaster. We've caused it, and we've made it worse than it had to be. Remember, no matter what it is, and no matter how it happens, it is your fault. You are an American, and it is always America's fault, no matter what. On with the blaming...

Noted intellectual and sciencey guy Danny Glover explains that plate tectonics and geological fault lines are the product of - wait for it - climate change. No, really:

When we see what we did at the climate summit in Copenhagen, this is the response, this is what happens, you know what I’m sayin’?

Yes, Danny, we know what you are saying. (Note Danny's authentic negro dialect.) Actually, I'm shocked Glover didn't go Mel Gibson on us and blame the Jooos.

Now if that isn't enough to get you feeling good and guilty, try this on for size:

Part of the suffering of Haiti is indeed "Made in the USA." While the earthquake would harm any country, actions by the United States have absolutely magnified the harm from the earthquake in Haiti.

That comes from someone named Bill Quigley. Is he an expert on Haiti? No, actually, he's a lawyer. But that's OK. As we all know, lawyers know everything about everything. In fact, they somehow manage to know more about stuff than even Hollywood actors. Bill continues:

How? In the last decade alone, the U.S. slashed humanitarian assistance to Haiti, blocked international loans, forced the government of Haiti to downsize, ruined tens of thousands of small farmers, and replaced the government with private non-governmental organizations.

Why? Who knows. Bill doesn't say. I'm sure it couldn't have anything to do with flawed elections, massive government corruption and systematic repression, because that sort of stuff only happens here. My guess is that our gubbermint did it just for fun. After all, we're talking about negroes here. We're like that, us Americans: We see a negro and just can't resist the chance to do them harm. The real bummer for Bill and Huffington Post? They can't blame it all on Bush; Bill Clinton was the one who got that particular big ball o' oppression rolling...

Anyway, I'm happy: I've had my mandatory dose of guilt. Now I can get on with my day.

Comments

[yo]

classic post.

my compliments.

(clapping)