Dennis the Peasant

A Selection Of Republican Sing-A-Longs...

This is Michael Steele's favorite, as it should appeal to the youth vote:

Why I Am An Ex-Republican, Reason # 1,463 (The Sanford Edition)

1,463) I can keep my cock in my pocket.

Why I Am An Ex-Republican, Reason # 1,462 (The Ensign Edition)

1,462) I walk my cock; my cock does not walk me.

Today's Fearless Prognostication...

Swami Dennis the Peasant looks into the future...

I will bet dollars to donuts that within a month of the November, 2010 elections, Republican politicians, partisans and operatives will begin navel-gazing on the subject of why they aren't getting much support from Latino voters.

Morons.

Evidently Illegal, Immoral, Imperialist Wars Of Aggression Are Just As Dull As The Global War On Terror...

For those of you not paying attention, yesterday the Obama Administration relieved General David McKiernan of his command and replaced him with General Stanley McChrystal. This command shake-up is, we are told, part of a major shift in how the Obama Administration intends to prosecute the war in Afghanistan.

Strangely enough, it appears that nobody in the blogosphere cares. I took a quick tour of some of the leading left-wing and right-wing political blogs and found neither information nor commentary. Lefties are focused on torture, health care and some bathing-suit bimbo from California, while Righties are obsessing on Obama's impending communist takeover, the deficit and some D-list bimbo comedian yukking it up at some journalistic slobberfest in Washington.

I guess they don't make wars they way they used to.

Then again, it could just be the Lefties aren't interested in ending illegal, immoral and imperialist wars of aggression when Their Guy is running them. And how could Righties acknowledge that the Other Guy is running the wars exactly the way they'd want it run if Their Guy had won last November?

And people can't understand why I don't take the issue of torture by the Bush Administration all that seriously.

Yet Another Reason As To Why I Have The Number Of Friends I Do...

I've been getting whiny emails and phone calls from a number of my Republican friends regarding The Coming Apocalypse™. Evidently there's a not-very-secret plot afoot to send us all to re-education camps for a little attitude adjustment. The details are sketchy, so I'm not sure if it comes before Obama gives citizenship to everyone whose ass is parked in any part of our 50 states or after we have all our firearms seized by the Youth Police cadres.

This has left me with the unenviable task of telling a large number of people I should be able to humor to leave me in peace.

At what point did all sense seem leave the heads of the vast majority of Republicans? (Mark, please do not answer this question... it's rhetorical!) Do they realize that they now are sounding as much like Pammycakes as Pammycakes herself? And truthfully, did anyone really think the Republican Party was going to be able to retain power running a Zero like John McCain for President on the heels of a full-fledged disaster like George W. Bush?

It's to the point where I end up typing crazed emails in all-caps that say things like this:

JUST WHAT THE FUCK DID JOHN MCCAIN ACTUALLY STAND FOR?

JUST WHAT THE FUCK DID THE REPUBLICAN PARTY ACTUALLY STAND FOR?

And what do I get in response to this two questions?

NADA... ZILCH... and, of course, ZIPPO.

Let me clue you brain-dead die-hards in on something: You had nearly a year to convince roughly 4% of the electorate to remain Republican, and you know what? 

YOU FAILED.

So please believe me when I pass on this solid-gold fact: Repeating the same old shit that didn't work the first time isn't going to work now. Honest. I can guarantee it. You can keep on bitching about Obama's crypto-socialist leanings, his shady dealings, and his ties to dubious personages until the cows come home and it will avail you nothing. It might, however, clue folks onto the idea that you haven't managed to come to grips with the fact that you now really do believe your own bullshit.

From my own standpoint, I simply cannot imagine ever voting again. I will not vote Democratic because I do not believe in its agenda or its policies, and I will not vote Republican because when faced with the choice doing the right thing and selling out, the Republicans and the Republican Party sold out. Period. John McCain sold out years ago... that's why he was labeled a "maverick" in the first place. And now Republicans are shocked that he sold out again and dropped all the "maverick" stuff to run as a half-assed pseudo-conservative. 

And please understand that John McCain lost this election because he is, more than anything, the perfect personification of today's Republican Party... No principles, no policies, no positions and no ideas about anything the majority of folks give half a hoot about.

If you simply cannot understand how so many folks were willing to overlook so much of what seems to make up Barack Obama, I suggest you look in the goddamn mirror. Now leave me alone about that crap.

What Conservatives?

It's with more than a bit of amusement that I note the teeth-gnashing, hair-pulling and garment-rending of self-proclaimed Conservatives over the prospect (now virtual certainty) of a John McCain-led Republican Party. After seven years of George W. Bush in the White House, we are now told by everyone from Rush Limbaugh to Ann Coulter that we are danger of the Republican Party being in the hands of a Less-Than-Completely-Pure Conservative.

Pardon me while I burst into hysterical laughter.

What Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and their blogospheric equivalents (from A-listers like Michelle Malkin to D-listers like Pammycakes Geller) want you to believe is that the RINO tendencies of McCain somehow amount to something new, different and unwelcome when compared to the Dubya Years. That is, of course, complete bullshit. If anything, a McCain Administration represents a completely logical extension of the Bush Administration. What Bush gave them that McCain has not has nothing to do with policy and everything to do with pride. Period.

Additionally, the Limbaughs and Coulters of the world would also like you to believe that they are the True Believers and the Keepers of Sacred Mantle of Ronald Reagan. That is, also, complete bullshit. If Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and Michelle Malkin represent anything, it is the Reactionary - as opposed to Conservative - element presently plaguing the Republican Party. They are more the heirs to Pat Buchanan's throne than Ronald Reagan's. One need only look at the agenda of CPAC 2008 to see just how intellectually barren these people are, and how little what they espouse has to do with Reagan Conservatism.

Don't believe me? Here's a sample of the brain trust of "today's" Conservative Movement that is currently infesting CPAC:

Al Regnery
Rick Santorum
David Horowitz
Tom DeLay
Brent Bozell
Lamar Alexander
Ron Paul
Bob Novak
Ken Blackwell
Grover Norquist
Dinesh D'Souza
John Bolton
Michelle Malkin
George Will
R. Emmett Tyrell
Phyllis Schlafly
Newt Gingrich

That's right, every failed Republican politician, every self-promoting public intellectual, and every half-assed inside-the-beltway influence-monger the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy has to offer. You'd be hard pressed to find a better short list of those responsible for gutting the Reagan Revolution. And given this cast of characters, is it any wonder that CPAC 2008's panel discussions show the depth they do? Try these on for size:

The Assimilation Question: What's the Answer?
Is the GOP Still Lost?
What Do Liberals Have Planned for Your Money?
The Power of Principle: Conservative Victories
Reforming Entitlements Without Raising Taxes
What is a Conservative Foreign Policy?
Why Blacks Think Conservative, But Vote Liberal
Out National Defense - Looking to the Future
Hugo Chavez Democrats: Silencing the Right
A Conservative Approach to Health Care Reform
Show Me the Spending: Transparency in Government
Using New Media to Advance Conservative Ideas
How Liberals Are Criminalizing Free Enterprise
Forward for Freedom: Looking Ahead to Conservative Victories in 2008

And of course…

Is Hillary Electable?

To top it off, CPAC 2008 has screenings of "new documentaries" such as these:

Hillary: The Movie

and…

Rediscovering God in America (starring Newt and Calista Gingrich)

In it's lack of substance and rabid partisanship, CPAC sounds like a fucking YearlyKOS convention, doesn't it? And these people wonder why Republican voters are running away from "Conservative" candidates as fast as they can?

Call me cynical, but here in 2008, I'd be more impressed if CPAC wasn't dealing with the sort of issues Conservatives should have helped solve during the years of 2001 through 2006. The time to have their Conservative Shit straight on immigration, health care, tax and fiscal matters, and the rest was then… not now. Evidently the idea that 2009 through 2012 won't offer Conservatives a better opportunity to enact legislation than was presented between 2001 through 2006 doesn't seem to have dawned them.

That, of course, is a big part of the Conservative Movement's problem. Although it would never occur to most of CPAC's participants, there's an excellent chance that Republican voters are flocking to McCain out of exasperation with the Conservative Movement's inability to offer practical solutions or realistic policy options on just every major issue on the agenda. One can only refuse to compromise one's high moral principles so many times before the citizenry gloms onto the idea that perhaps such invocations constitute a smokescreen hiding a lack of any worthwhile solutions.

One has only to review the agenda to CPAC to see just how little grounding the Conservative Movement has in developing and marketing innovative policy solutions. It is no accident that the most prominent public intellectuals amongst these so-called Conservatives are intellectually barren. Has Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh or Michelle Malkin ever devoted an ounce of energy to discussing the real-world policy options that might actually advance the Conservative Agenda? Of course not. And why not? Well, beyond the fact that people like Malkin don't have the brains for such work, it is in no small part due to the fact much of today's Conservative Agenda has no particular grounding in the real world.

Perhaps I'm being a bit churlish, but it would seem to me that if the likes of Tom Tancredo and Duncan Hunter cannot interest Republican voters in the slightest as presidential candidates, then maybe a rethink on issues such as immigration, the War on Terror and national defense is in order. There seems to be an obvious disconnect between Republican voters and the Conservative Movement, and the Conservative movement seems to be of the opinion that the problem is with Republican voters… which doesn't seem to be the sort of message that's going to sell well, if you know what I mean.

For all the sound of fury of CPAC 2008 and the Conservative Movement, what is at the heart of their demands is that they be shown the sort of deference they are used to. That lack of deference, more than any particular RINO tendencies, are at the heart of the Conservative's beef with John McCain. John McCain frightens and infuriates the Reactionaries at CPAC 2008 because they don't consider themselves a spent force… Despite the victorious march of the one man in the Republican Party who has publicly called them out as such. And you know what? If Ann Coulter wants to vote for Hillary, that's fine. If Grover and Newt and Michelle want to sit at home, that's fine too. The Conservative Movement of Ronald Reagan - the one that was about problem solving and policy innovation - cannot make its reappearance until the dross has been cleared away. For that reason, and that reason only, do I root for John McCain… His victory is a necessary step towards dismantling the Empire of Reactionary Thought presently claiming to be Conservatism.

Friday Morning's "Just When You Thought I Couldn't Sink Any Lower" Glenn Beck Videos

Glenn Beck's favorite game:

Glenn Beck's favorite song:

Where Glenn Beck should have gone for his treatment...

What Glenn's hemroid is doing now:

The video Glenn should have made...

This Week's Worst Non-Amanda Sentence...

From Roger Kimball of Pajamas Media:

As the pious cataract of eulogies for Benazir Bhutto accumulate and briefly eddy before draining away, the connoisseur of cant is tempted to wade in and examine the specimens: which of these cringe-making hagiographical exercises is the worst?

You mean one of them might actually be worse than the above sentence that you've written?

From John Hinderaker of Powerline:

In today's USA, those who want to impose their preferences on you are generally on what we call the Left.

And people who generalize to the point that Mr. Hinderaker does are generally what we call, "Blinded by the pure white light of stupidity."

From Pammycakes at Atlas Shrugs:

While I was being searched and patted down by TSA prior to my flight this morning, America continued to take a rabbit's foot approach to the scariest threats to national security.

If there was ever an Amanda sentence written by someone other than Amanda...

From Dumptruck Debbuh over at Debbie Schlussel:

Yes, it is now considered acceptable--in vogue--for a man to sport women's underwear.

Dumptruck Debbuh spends a lot of time worrying that THEY are turning all the REAL MEN into Carson Kressley clones. Then again, when you're not a bull dyke but look (and dress) like Dumptruck, it's easy to understand why...

From Josh Marshall at Talking Points Memo:

But the weirdest thing about the choice is that Sulzberger and Co. have failed to grasp the taxonomy of the neoconservative literary cartel.

Haven't we all failed, at one time or another, to grasp the taxonomy of the neoconservative literary cartel?

And The Obligatory Special Roger L. Simon Moment...

December 23: There's little I find more repellent than multi-millionaires battling each other over the votes of the "common man."

December 31: Champagne for tonight: Bonville Blanc de Blancs.

Da Raj has always been known to have the "common touch"...

Great Moments In Internet Journalism: The December, 2007 Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Edition

Well, I've come up with yet another new feature here at Dennis The Peasant. Being as how I keep asking such inconvenient questions as, "Do you have any facts to support your conclusion?" and "Have you actually read the document you are discussing?" and "Do you have the faintest fucking idea of what the fuck you're talking about?", it seems logical that I should share some of my favorite moments in internet journalism for the month of December.

Why, you ask?

Because as we all know, New Media will be crushing the Mainstream Media any day now… Roger says so.

WINNER OF THE FRANKLIN FOER AWARD FOR ACCURACY IN JOURNALISM: Pamela "Pammycakes" Geller of Atlas Shrugs

Nothing screams "seriousness of purpose" like hawking your likeness on men's underwear and producing rambling, largely pointless YouTube videos as you blog, with increasing hysteria, about the End of Western Civilization As We Know It™. I guess this is what happens when you have a lot of money in your pockets, way too much time on your hands and don't know how to play mah-jongg.

Here's Pammycakes' hit parade for December:

November 29: Yes, I know November 29 isn't actually in the month of December, but I'm really getting into the spirit of things here. Anyway, back on November 29 Pammycakes put up a post about the guilty plea of a Rockville, Illinois man who planned to blow up a Rockville, Illinois shopping mall. Pammy's header:

Ohio Lone Jihadi Pleads Guilty

December 10: Pammycakes puts up a post about a YouTube video. The post is entitled The Right To Lie In Islam. Per Pammy:

In Shia Islam you can lie when advancing the cause of Islam as better [sic] explained by a Muslim scholar.

Interestingly enough, when you go to the YouTube page of this particular "Muslim scholar", one Obaid Karki, what one finds is that Mr. Karki isn't exactly claiming to be a Muslim scholar… Rather, one finds that Mr. Karki sees himself as an…

Independant [sic] Street-Knowledge Talkshow Guru. Unaffiliated to A State, Organized Religion, Sect or Kin. Anti Tribal Gentile.

And if that isn't enough, he's also a…

Spinoziste Pantheon Urban Automath Hexalingual 150 Pages per Hour. Self-taught oneself without formal instruction or help of others with an enthusiasm for self-education and a high degree of self-motivation to debate.

As noted, Mr. Karki doesn't make mention of any scholarly training in things Islamic, although his professed enjoyment of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Australian Rules Football makes it obvious that he's spent quite a bit of time in the local madrassa.

December 16: Pammy posts CAIR's Al-Akhras to head Ohio Civil Rights Commission? Here's the sort of sophisticated analysis that's made Geller what she is today:

More submission. More sharia. More more more for Islam, less less less America. Patrick Poole exposes the dirt on the latest skulduggery [sic] in Ohio.

Unfortunately for Pammycakes, there were two minor problems… No dirt and no skullduggery. Pseudo-journalist Patrick Poole posted a "rumor" (his choice of words, not mine) on his web site claiming that Gov. Strickland was going to name Al-Akhras to head the Ohio Civil Rights Commission. The rumor was based on "information" (my choice of words, not his) from an "unnamed source" close to the "situation". On December 18, Poole retracted the entire thing. Pamela must have missed that part, because in original, uncorrected post is still up at Atlas Shrugs.

Yeah, I'm surprised, too.

WINNER OF THE 'DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN' AWARD FOR "OOPS, I JUMPED THE GUN" JOURNALISM: Patrick Poole of Central Ohioans Against Terrorism (and Pajamas Media)

Patrick Poole is a free-lance writer who spends a lot of time writing about The Muslim Menace™ here in Central Ohio. As nobody in Central Ohio will give him the time of day, he ends up getting published by the likes of David Horowitz (Front Page Magazine) and Roger L. Simon (Pajamas Media). Need I say more?

December 16: As mentioned above, Patrick Poole posts a "rumor" that Ohio's governor is going to appoint a "radical" Muslim (is there any other kind?) to head the Ohio Civil Rights Commission, based on information provided by a "reliable" but unnamed source.

December 18: Poole publishes a retraction, saying the information from his reliable but unnamed source turned out to be, well, unreliable.

WINNER OF THE DAN RATHER RELENTLESS PURSUIT OF TRUTH AWARD IN JOURNALISM: Charles "The Poodle" Johnson of Little Green Footballs (and newly ex-Pajamas Media)

December 16: Charles "The Poodle" Johnson takes a short break from vilifying Gates of Vienna for publishing inaccurate information about an obscure Flemish political party to publish Patrick Poole's rumor about Muslims taking over the Ohio Civil Rights Commission. To date, Johnson's post has not been removed or corrected at Little Green Footballs.

WINNER OF THE TOM FRIEDMAN AWARD FOR THE BIGGEST JOURNALISTIC BLUFF REGARDING KNOWLEDGE OF THE SUBJECT BEING DISCUSSED: Glenn "Glenn Harlan" Reynolds of Instapundit.

Glenn demonstrates what we non-lawyers already knew: Lawyers know everything about everything.

December 24: Glenn Harlan posts the following…

THIS SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT: "If a nuclear war between Israel and Iran were to break out 16-20 million Iranians would lose their lives - as opposed to 200,000-800,000 Israelis, according to a report recently published by the Washington-based Center for Strategic and International Studies."

Unfortunately, as Glenn fails to provide us a copy his own study of casualties in an Israeli-Iranian nuclear conflict, we'll just have to take his word for it. I'm told that next week he tells us Einstein's Theory of Relativity sounds "about right".

HONORABLE MENTION: THE FRANKLIN FOER AWARD FOR ACCURACY IN JOURNALISM: Baron Bodissey and Dymphna of Gates of Vienna (part of the Pajamas Media network)

Remember, somewhere along the way, Roger L. Simon, Charles Johnson and Glenn Reynolds looked at Gates of Vienna and said, "Gee, this is the sort of first-rate blogging we want for our tipping-point, opinion-leading audience. Let's give them money…"

December 17: The Baron posts Sharia Financing In Minneapolis?, and based on the musings of noted expert on all things Islamic and financial, James Lileks, decides the City of Minneapolis is unconstitutionally discriminating against non-Muslims by offering Sharia-compliant lusiness development loans to Muslims.

December 19: Half-assed Ohio C.P.A. and D-list blogger Dennis The Peasant takes roughly one hour to read up on Sharia finance and the various available City of Minneapolis business development loan programs and then writes a post demonstrating conclusively that neither James Lileks nor Baron Bodissey were close to understanding what a Sharia-compliant loan is, as well as pointing out that neither had bothered to actually check the City of Minneapolis' web site and read the description of the loan program in question. Other than the fact that the loans weren't no-cost and were available to both Muslims and non-Muslims, the reporting of Lileks and The Baron is flawless.

December 19: Gates of Vienna blogger Dymphna posts Mr. Peasant is Disgusted by Our Ignorance, which, quite lightheartedly, reproduces my post regarding Sharia Financing In Minneapolis? in full… and without acknowledging or correcting Baron Bodissey's errors. Lileks is too busy pondering Gnat to post anything regarding the loan scandal he uncovered.

December 19: Baron Bodissey notes the murder in Sweden of Professor Fuat Deniz by persons unknown. Despite reporting that the Swedish police have neither leads nor motive, the Baron opines that it must have been the work of Turkish Muslims because Deniz was working on a book about Ottoman genocide of Assyrian Christians. Additionally, and without any additional information to support his claim, Baron Bodissey continues to write posts suggesting "the Turks" are responsible for the murder to this very date.

THE HUNTER S. THOMPSON GRAND PRIZE AWARD FOR FEARLESS INVESTIGATIVE REPORTING BY A JOURNALIST NOT PRESENTLY UNDER PSYCHIATRIC CARE: Annie Jacobsen of Pajamas Media

In the tradition of Michael Ledeen's pronouncement that Ayatollah ali Khamenei was dead (which came, no doubt, as a shock to the Ayatollah) and Philippe Karsenty's pronouncement that Fidel Castro was dead (which came, no doubt, as a shock to ol' Fidel), I give you the wondrous reportings of Annie Jacobsen… With the appropriately hilarious set-up by the geniuses at Pajamas Media.

Five crop-duster planes have crashed on the terror-plagued island of Mindanao in a short period of time. Annie Jacobsen says that while it may feel like Mindanao is half a world away, the island’s plantations are linked to the international food supply chain. Is it time to start worrying about what’s being sprayed on your bananas?

What red-blooded, true-blue American hasn't worried about the state of their bananas? Anyway…

December 21: Jacobsen posts Is Terrorism Behind [The] Mysterious Crop-Duster Crashes In [The] Philippines? on Pajamas Media's web site. In said post Jacobsen speculates, without a shred of evidence to support such speculation, that five separate crashes of crop dusting planes on the island of Mindanao could be linked to The Muslim Menace™. How they are linked to said Muslim Menace™ isn't explained, but one would have to conclude that Jacobsen is suggesting that Filipino Muslims are sabotaging the island's crop-dusters so they can bring in terrorist crop-dusters to poison the banana crop with terrorist crop-dusting poisons. How they are supposed to pull this off isn't elaborated upon. Nor is how the poisoned bananas are supposed to elude detection prior to being consumed by whomever consumes the Filipino bananas mentioned. My favorite moment? Try this…

Here’s a rundown on the Mindanao Island crop-duster crashes as they were reported in newspapers in South East Asia, China, and the Middle East.

[snip]

Also on November 19, 2007, 8:00 a.m: Both Cebu City News and Asian Journal Online report that two crop-dusters collided midair in the remote village of Kapalong.

[T]wo crop-duster aircraft collided in mid-air, killing one of pilot and seriously injuring the other, said Chief Superintendent Atilano Morada, director of the Aviation Secretary Group, in a phone interview. Frederick San Felix, Davao area manager of Air Transportation Office (ATO), said the two spray planes collided while spraying chemicals on the banana plantation of Alberto M. Soriano in the village of Maniki in Kapalong town at past 8 a.m.

How did the terrorists manage to get two crop-dusting aircraft to collide in mid-air? Hey, it wouldn't be The Muslim Menace™ if we knew that, now would it?. Anyway, Anne goes on to state, portentously…

The world’s banana consumer would be wise to wonder, what’s being sprayed on my banana?

I intend to ask Muffy that very question this very evening. I'll let you know how it works out.