Dennis the Peasant

Why Wouldn't You Buy A $40,000 Electric Chevy K-Car?

Some enviroweenie writer named Nick Chambers gets upset when the head of Audi USA points out the obvious:

Bring on the war of words. In a frank conversation with MSN writer Lawrence Ulrich, Audi of America President Johan de Nysschen has said that the Chevy Volt will fail and that anybody who buys the car is an idiot. Not only that, de Nysschen has lumped proponents of any type of electric car into a category of "intellectual elite who want to show what enlightened souls they are."

Why the fuck else would you buy a non-luxury $40,000 automobile that is 

1. based on unproven technology,
2. has a host of significant limitations, and
3. is being marketed by a company with a history of bad design, mediocre engineering, crummy build quality and terrible reliability.

$40,000 can buy a lot of car...

 

This Volvo S80 T6 AWD presently lists out at $38,200.

It has a 3.0 liter six cylinder turbo charged engine that puts out 281 horses and 295 foot pounds of torque. It comes with leather seating, wood trim, a killer stereo system and all-wheel drive.

 

This is a $40,000 Chevy Volt.

It comes without 281 horsepower, 295 foot pounds of torque, leather seating, wood trim, a killer stereo system or all-wheel drive... It does, however, look like a Toyota Prius.

Now, if you decide to spend $40,000 on a Chevy Volt rather than $38,200 on a Volvo S80 T6 AWD... 

You are indeed an idiot.

And if you're anything like every Prius owner on the planet, you're gonna buy it because you're also a smug, self-satisfied asshole who whats to show everyone else just how enlightened you are.

I don't know what Nick Chambers is upset about. Like I said, Johan de Nysschen was just pointing out the obvious.

Perhaps Chambers drives a Prius.

I Can Do That...

It's time for a little global warming panic.

Now that Cap and Trade is deader than Joe Biden's hair plugs, it's important to remember that Gaia is the real Death Panel. Here's the nitty:

Scientists say they have evidence that the powerful greenhouse gas methane is escaping from the Arctic sea bed.

Big deal. I have evidence that methane is escaping from my bed. Every night.

It doesn't prove anything.

All Hail Global Warming...

Cap and Trade continues to circle the bowl:

The U.S. Senate should abandon efforts to pass legislation curbing greenhouse-gas emissions this year and concentrate on a narrower bill to require use of renewable energy, four Democratic lawmakers say.

Now excuse me, I'm going to go moon a Prius owner.

For The Moron Who Has Everything...

You simply can't make this sort of shit up: The Wearable Carbon Credit Meter.

 

Per an appropriately breathless Treehugger correspondent:

Rather than a key or a card, the carbon meter would fit on your hand and glows a particular color - green, yellow, orange or red - depending on how well you're using your public transportation allowance. Are you saving more carbon by hopping onto a train for a short ride, or would the hybrid bus have actually had the smaller footprint? The meter would let you know. But there's more...it'd give the government insight on how well the public transportation systems are being used.

Gee, Wally, that's keen!

 

There's more:

All the information about how many passengers are taking advantage of the various kinds of transportation would be uploaded to a government database where the data could be analysed and the transportation system greened up ever more.

It's all about as creepy, stupid and impractical as anything I've heard in the last 200 days.

I expect President Obama to endorse it immediately.

How To Be The Perfect Enviroweenie Wedding Guest...

From the bowels of examiner.com (San Fransisco, of course, via Cleveland) comes this bit of dreck:

10 Tips On How To Be A Green Wedding Guest

And you know what? Enviroweenies deserve the sort of wedding guest Patti Lew suggests you should be. Here's all you have to do...

1) Avoid snail mail. RSVP online or via phone if you can. This will save another piece of mail having to go through the system of being trucked and flown across the country and releasing carbon emissions.

Wedding invitations release carbon emissions? Who knew?

2) Try not to buy a gift off-registry. You want to make sure the wedding couple will truly enjoy and use the gift you give them, so pick from what you know they already want.

Especially if they want things like fireplace tool sets, large outdoor grills or a bolt-on turbo kit for their 4x4 monster truck.

3) Opt out of the extra gift wrapping if you’re having the wedding gift shipped. Not only will it save you an extra $5, the wedding couple will appreciate not having to deal with tossing out yet another box and spool of ribbon. Just think, most items already come in their own store packaging. If you get it gift wrapped, they’ll stick that into a gift box, and then stick the gift box into yet another box for shipping. Why ship one item in three boxes?

Nothing says thoughtfulness like sending that his-and-hers sex toy gift pack in the original packaging.

4) Give Green. Donate to a charity that’s meaningful to the couple, in their name. Or give a micro-loan through Kiva. You can make a loan in their name to the country they’ll be honeymooning in, or give them the power to change lives themselves with a Kiva gift certificate. Not only will the couple get the funds back to spend on something they like later — or use it to re-lend to someone else in need — but you’ll also be giving an impoverished entrepreneur a chance to succeed.

Nothing says "I'm a sanctimonious twat" like passing up buying someone a useable gift so you can send money to Al Gore so he can fly around the world 28 times this year. And didn't you just say not to buy off the registry?

5) Travel light. Carpool with other guests to the wedding site. (This is also great for arranging a designated driver.) If traveling, share a rental car, and don’t forget to choose a hybrid if you can.

Sure, rent a Toyota Prius and then try jamming four people and some luggage into it. That ought to guarantee everyone being in a pleasant mood upon arrival.

6) Stay in a green hotel. You can find listings for sustainable hotels at the Green Hotels Association and Environmentally Friendly Hotels sites.

Why not put a pup-tent in your Prius?

7) Hold onto your wine glass or drinking glass throughout the event and reuse it. If you’re going to have another round of the same drink, ask the bartender to just give you a refill instead of a brand new glass that they’ll have to wash. Also consider using the same glass for the champagne toast.

I dare anyone to suggest the above as a way of being "green" to a group of strangers. I'll lay out cold hard cash that you can't do it and either (a) keep a straight face, or (b) have at least one of the strangers laugh in your face.

8) Eat green. Pick the vegetarian option for your entree. According to the United Nations report, Livestock's Long Shadow, meat is the number one cause of global warming. Raising animals for food generates more greenhouse-gas emissions than all forms of transportation combined — that includes all cars, trucks, trains, ships, and planes in the world.

And if there isn't a vegetarian option, bring a pb&J sandwich and some carrot sticks so you can wave off the entree and show everyone what kind of enviroweenie you really are. Better yet, bring a casserole dish of organic tofu surpise so you can share...

9) Purchase carbon offsets for your transportation and lodging, and for your footprint at the wedding event itself. San Francisco based TerraPass and CarbonFund.org both have wedding specific carbon footprint calculators that you can use for you and whoever is in tow.

Lots of enviroweenies seem to have ungodly amounts of time on their hands. You have to think up this sort of nonsense.

10) _____________. Tip number ten is up to you. Share ways that you’ve been a green wedding guest by emailing patti@greenereverafter.com. The top ideas will be compiled and posted in a future Green Weddings article.

It would seem to me that number 10 could simply be that one skips the wedding altogether. Of course, if anyone tries out a couple of Patti's suggestions, there's an excellent chance they'll never be invited to a wedding again anyway. Problem solved!

Evidently Dennis, Rather Than Dr. Chu, Is The One Being Silly...

Progressive dim-bulb/enviroweenie Bradford Plummer points out that Dr. Chu's idea to paint the world white isn't silly at all:

British reporters (and Matt Drudge) have been having gentle fun with Energy Secretary Steven Chu's recent remarks that we should paint our roofs white to slow the pace of global warming. But Chu's totally right! The science on this is clear: Replacing black asphalt on roofs, parking lots, and sidewalks with brighter material would reflect more of the sun's rays and do quite a bit to cool the planet.

..........

To give an easy example, just refitting the 30 billion or so square feet of commercial roof space in the United States would be the equivalent of taking roughly 75 million cars off the road for a year. And, as a bonus, buildings with white roofs tend to stay 30 percent cooler than their black-topped counterparts during the summer, which curtails energy use. Obviously this wouldn't stop global warming, but on the list of pain-free measures that would make a fair bit of inroads on the problem, this has to rank very high up there.

Dr. Chu's totally right? Gag me with a spoon, Andrea... That is so not happening.

I love the fact that Plummer considers the refitting of 30 billion square feet of commercial roofing to be easy and pain-free.

It Seems I Misunderstood Dr. Steven Chu...

 

Oops. Well, there's half a day I'll never get back.

Update: Well, based on a few emails I've received, it seems a number of you didn't get the above joke. Discounting the idea that it wasn't funny in the first place, what appears to be going on is this: Lots of you didn't read about the Obama Administration's Energy Secretary, Dr. Steven Chu, coming up with this jaw-dropping bit of brain-fartery:

As a weapon against global warming, it sounds so simple and low-tech that it could not possibly work. But the idea of using millions of buckets of whitewash to avert climate catastrophe has won the backing of one of the world’s most influential scientists.

Steven Chu, the Nobel prize-winning physicist appointed by President Obama as Energy Secretary, wants to paint the world white. A global initiative to change the colour of roofs, roads and pavements so that they reflect more sunlight and heat could play a big part in containing global warming, he said yesterday.

Now I fully understand that Dr. Chu has more brains than God, but folks, this really is pathetic. I would suggest that whatever merits Dr. Chu might possess in the way of being a brilliant scientist don't seem to be translating well into the public policy arena... 'Cause one of the first rules of governance is to avoid proposing world-saving environmental policies that fail the Laugh Test.

Then again, maybe Dr. Chu wants second billing on Joe Biden's comedy tour. 

Best Earth Day Ever...

Earth Day... April 22, 2009:

Earnest, smiling young female enviroweenie handing out pamphlets in front of library: Happy Earth Day!

Me... Before brain-to-mouth filter can engage: Blow it out your ass.

 

I must admit I should have felt some regret over being that rude, but I didn't. That makes this the best Earth Day I've ever been subjected to.

What Would Emily Latilla Say?

Aussie warming denier Andrew Bolt points out a few inconvenient truths here.

The bastard.

In other global warming news, Australia's Prime Minister Kevin Rudd (who slew the evil Bushitler crony and warming denier deathbeast John Howard) has announced that Australia's goal will be to cut carbon emissions by 5% (baseline: Year 2000) by 2020. The problem? While running against the denier Howard, Rudd promised cuts of between 25% and 40%. Evidently things look different from the inside.

The bastard.

Other Aussie warming denier Tim Blair reports on the outrage, which from all appearances seems to involve literally dozens.

The bastard.

But we don't have to worry here, we've got Obama! Right?

Oops!

The bas.. er, uh,

Never mind!

Update: More unbelieving ... and he isn't even with Fox News!

The bastard.

More Enviroweenie Pixie Dust ...

Earlier this week I posted on one of the funnier enviroweenie fantasies floating around: The Green New Deal of the New Economic Foundation. Evidently I wasn't the only one who found the Green New Deal to be a tad vague. Fortunately for us, U.K. progressive enviroweenie and champion tax misunderstander Richard Murphy has jumped in to explain it all in the appropriately entitled post, WHT IS THE GREEN NEW DEAL?

People have asked those of us who wrote the Green New Deal to summarise what it is about. So we’ve produced this summary:

It’s about a massive environmental transformation of the economy to tackle the triple crunch of the financial crisis, climate change and insecure energy supplies.

Now I'll just be that what Dickie really meant was a massive structural transformation of the economy. Economies don't possess environments, they reside within them. Anyway, whether it's an environmental transformation or a structural transformation, what's missing is an explanation of either.

It’s about an investment now to tackle the current recession, and an investment for the future: there are lots of ways we can invest in the future - as a country public spending on a green new deal will reap economic, environmental and social benefits. We can spend ‘better’ by reforming taxes, so that we tax more what we want less of (like pollution and reckless speculation) and less what we want more of (like green goods and services). Investment can come from public and private sources, as well as our savings. Shutting tax havens and ensuring that corporate tax reporting accurately reflects profits made in a country, would raise billions more for public investment in both rich and poor countries.

Ah yes, the whole "investment for the future" thingy. Points off for forgetting to mention "the children". It's interesting to note there's no mention of precisely what sort of economic, environmental and social benefits will be reaped via the Green New Deal. Nor is there much detail on what constitutes "reckless speculation". Or what constitutes "green goods and services". If you find the mention of tax havens to be oddly out of place in this sort of manifesto, be aware that Our Dickie is a bit of a monomaniac on the subject.

It’s about new checks, balances and directions for a banking system that has become unfit for purpose: everyone agrees that new rules are needed to prevent a repeat of the bank’s catastrophic errors, but there’s also a new opportunity for change. With the taxpayer now owning several banks we can make sure that they invest and lend at low, affordable interest rates to support the economy’s environmental transformation.

Holy Sweeping Generalizations, Batman! Everybody agrees? Everybody? Other than that, what's a little bank nationalization and command economy between friends... Especially when it's for The Future... And of course, The Children...

It’s about greater security for our pensions and savings: many people’s pensions have taken a battering, but now there’s a chance to create new, low risk steady return vehicles for saving. New bonds and pensions targeted at the green renewal of the nation’s infrastructure could help bring mutual long-term benefits to both savers and the nation as a whole.

So let me get this straight, this plan will allow U.K. investors the once in a lifetime chance at investing in Welsh windmill farms. And that's considered "low risk"? By whom? Mr. Bean?

It’s about warm homes in winter, protecting us from high and volatile energy prices and ending fuel poverty: too many people can’t afford to keep warm in winter. Whatever the international price of fuel, homeowners seem to have to pay ever higher prices. A Green New Deal will begin by improving insulation and energy efficiency in UK households and start to break our dependence on volatile, expensive and ultimately declining fossil fuels.

Notably absent from this rousing proclamation is any analysis of the costs associated with such a scheme, as well as any estimates of savings. It also doesn't seem to be doing much to replace fossil fuels dependency in any way. I realize it is a "start", but couldn't we get a hint as to what is supposed to come next?

It’s about the UK showing real world leadership, setting an example and helping to build global security: unless rich nations like the UK show that they can implement change at home, poorer countries are unlikely to make the shift. The Green New Deal is about setting the economy, nationally and globally, on a path to live within its environmental means. It is also about fair play in a warming world and calls for the new financial mechanisms to help the majority world adapt to climate change as well as breaking the carbon chains of fossil fuel dependence.

I defy any reasonably intelligent, reasonably sane individual to read the above statement aloud without bursting into laughter.

Anyway, now that Richard has clarified things for us, it seems obvious that a more appropriate title for his post would probably be...

WTF IS THE NEW GREEN DEAL?